Crying on my Knees

Round and round my head spins, this isn’t over cause I never win, so let’s begin, killing myself was so complicated, holding onto life was my occupation, reaching for help was a hallucination, but I can see ahead, everything I’ve gained so far, man I feel so dead, all this shit was hard, swallowing all these meds, man when do I even start, soon I’ll be heading towards the heavens, too meet god and his blessings, before I do, I need to fight all of my messes, the devil and hell can have none of my dressings, you don’t know me well, so here, understand all of my threats, not the promises, just all of my fucking death, not the godliness, holding onto each breath, life feels so pointless, you could never understand my pain, each minute feels so hopeless, I wish you could fix all of my ways, knowing each night I cry myself to sleep, each morning I wake up, I wish it was all just a dream, when I look down and see the blood, god it was just me feeling a thing, I didn’t even wanted to feel, it was my own conscience making me believe

Do I have to scream for you, or do I have to pray, do I have to show you, or do I have to behave, do I have to run, or do I have to breathe, either way I’m done, I’ll just be crying on my knees

Drowning myself in all of this pain, it’s getting more difficult with each day, all of this rain filling up my own lane, my car was hydroplaning the whole damn way, but I never hit the brakes, I kept on driving, through the rain itself, I felt like dying, holding onto the steering wheel, hoping it would slip away from me, sometimes it felt like I was flying, never again did I want this to end, forever is what I wanted, I’d never had to follow the bend, in the road of painful shame, all of this rain that’s falling, you can put the blame on me, seeing me drawing, making beautiful pictures of hopes and things, this might be my last story, so listen for an opportunity, have a wonderful life, and just stop bothering me

Do I have to scream for you, or do I have to pray, do I have to show you, or do I have to behave, do I have to run, or do I have to breathe, either way I’m done, I’ll just be crying on my knees

Do I have to scream for you, or do I have to pray, do I have to show you, or do I have to behave, do I have to run, or do I have to breathe, either way I’m done, I’ll just be crying on my knees