My suffering made me evil

Blood on the moon, grin crooked like a rusted halo, I was born to be the carcass in the garden where the snakes grow, Picked apart by every phantom in my fucking brain though, Now I’m stitching halos out of barbed wire and say, “hey bro—, Keep your pity, I been baptized in the acid rain, Every tear another bullet in the magazine, Every scar another scripture in a black latrine, Where the angels come to vomit out they dopamine, I don’t pray, I prey, it’s a different thing, Cut my heart out, heard it laugh, still whispering, Said “You never gonna heal, you just blistering”, Now it rides my pulse like a lizard on a blistering, Desert of the soul, see the mirages in my ribcage, Dreams on a meat hook swingin’ at a sick pace, Every wish I ever had grew a fucking sick face, And kissed me on the cheek with a blade for a mixtape, Used to wanna be the light in a dim place, Now I wanna see the light choke, no escape, They fed me to the wolves just to watch the skin flake, Now I’m back leading every single one in hell’s wake

My pain turned venom in my veins, I sip it slow, I ain’t broken, motherfucker, I’m the broken halo, Every nightmare that you’re scared to even name? I let it grow, I was forged inside the fire, now I’m colder than the snow, This suffering done made me something wicked, you should know, I was dying for a path, it dug a grave instead of roads, Keep your love, keep your faith, keep your fake-ass hope, All this hurt became the blade that I hold to your throat

I don’t cry no more, I calcified the ducts shut, Every time I trusted, got dissected like a cut gut, Now I turn affection into meat for my bloodlust, You call it trauma, I call it the motherfucking up-thrust, Of a fault line under my skull crackin’ open, All my serotonin got evicted with no notice, Every happy thought is just a fiend overdosing, On a secondhand dream that was never really chosen, I was the kid in the back with the dead stare, Halo made of thumbtacks, chewing on despair, Teacher said “You need help”—bitch, I’m well aware, Help is just a pretty word they hang above an empty chair, Now I rock a noose as a fashion statement inside, Necklaces of every time I ever fucking tried, Each attempt a little coffin in my blood’s high tide, Hear ’em knock against my ribs when I breathe at night, I made a pact with my shadow in a cracked mirror, “Every hurt you ever get, I’ma stack nearer, To the surface ‘til it bursts through your black spirit, Turn your tenderness to teeth, let the world hear it”, So I let it, Now every kindness that I show got a death wish embedded, You hug me, but my spine’s got a shiv where it’s threaded, I don’t sabotage shit, I just let you get acquainted with the methods

This suffering done made me something wicked, now you know, I was begging for a lifeline, they just handed me a stone, So I carved myself a throne from the ache in my bones, Yeah, my pain made me evil—now it’s all that I own