Why Me?

Wake up to a ceiling crack, lookin’ like a fault line, Hear it whisper, “Motherfucker, you on borrowed time”, Mirror talk back, eyes red like a stop sign, I don’t even flinch, bitch, I’m used to that hotline, Ringtone silent, nobody on the buzz, Only thing that ever ring is this headache ‘cause, Clock tick wrong, every second feel drunk, Minutes crawl slow, drag nails through my lungs, I ain’t ask for this brain with the glitch in the code, Where a smile feel fake as a counterfeit note, Where a hug feel cold as a hospital robe, Where a prayer hit the roof, fall back on my throat, Backyard full of ghosts in my old skin, Every version of myself that I won’t fix, Whole past like a room with a broke switch, Light never cut on, just the dark and the roaches, Mama said “You blessed,” I just sharpen my teeth, If I’m blessed, why the fuck I only gnaw on grief? Why my dreams ride by with the doors all locked? Every chance that I get turn to roadkill, tossed, I been tryna make peace with a war in my head, But the treaty always printed in invisible pen, Devil on my shoulder keep forgittin’ my sins, Like “Run that shit back, we gon’ do it again”

What did I do just to earn all this pain? Thunder in my skull, black blood in my veins, If there’s a God, he been dodgin’ my name, I guess a halo just don’t look right with these chains, What did I do just to drown in this rain? Every damn drop carve my face like a blade, If karma real, she been usin’ my grave, To plant every rotten-ass seed that she saved

If I suffer ‘cause I’m breathin’, that’s a fucked-up fee, Pay in panic every minute that I’m stuck in this meat, Body feel like a trap that they wrapped in skin, With a tag on my toe that say “Born to sink” I done bled on every page that I tried to write, Turned the ink all rust, now the lines don’t rhyme, Every heartbeat sound like a “Not this time”, Like the world hit decline every time I dial life, Tell me what the hell I did but exist wrong, Wrong face, wrong day, wrong breath, wrong song, Wrong love, wrong bed, wrong trust, all gone, Wrong door, wrong key, turn once—armed bomb, Maybe I was cursed while I swam in the womb, Umbilical noose, tiny feet in a tomb, They baptized me in a puddle of booze, So I grew up seein’ hell as a regular view, I been cuttin’ off friends like hospital limbs, Tryna stop the infection of “rememberin’ when”, Every memory a blade with a crooked-ass grin, Soon as it flashback, yeah, it’s slicin’ again, If apologies enough, I’d be holy as fuck, I been sorry since the first time I stood up, Sorry for my tongue, for my rage, for my dust, For the nights I ain’t die but I really should’ve jumped

What did I do just to earn all this pain? Thunder in my skull, black blood in my veins, If there’s a God, he been dodgin’ my name, I guess a halo just don’t look right with these chains, What did I do just to drown in this rain?