Mama’s a damn good cook, that’s what they always said,
Now I’m grown in this cold world, but my eyes still stuck inside my head.
Don’t trust these fuckin’ fools, these lame-ass tools, they’re wicked,
Spent enough green tryna iron out the wrinkles in my personality — I’m conflicted.
Stacked disorders on the rise, I can’t pay for the fucked up things they did to me,
It’s no surprise to see that look on your face like you already knew.
Put on a show like you didn’t know, a grown-ass man making me the view,
Shame on me to be so fuckin rude, must’ve flattened a tire or two.
Angry as hell, can’t speak I know all too well ‘cause he pays the fuckin’ bills,
We just guests to such utter fuckin’ disdain — be seen, not heard, that’s what was always said.
Fade into the background, don’t make no noise, cut my hair off, now I'll try dressin’ like a boy,
So I don’t get noticed anymore — I’m tired, I’m learnin’ this ain’t my place.
Stay distracted in the books, anything to get away,
Momma disappearin’ every night, leavin’ me with perverts who would prey they must be fucking faggots too despite of me nothings changed tip toe to the window hide and seek for sure
She’d cook up in the kitchen, I’d hide under covers prayin’ they'd pass out drunk and wouldn't touch me no more
Now I’m hooked on the same shit, chasin’ demons every day.
Black and white, that’s how I see it, no gray, either love me or I hate you,
One wrong move and I’m ragin’, smashin’ mirrors, screamin’ “I’ma break you!”
Feel alone in every crowd, like I’m floatin’ outside my skin,
Longin’ for the momma that kept vanishin’ — still beggin’ her to let me in.
Tantrums hittin’ like a storm, tearin’ rooms apart when I’m ignored,
Now I’m grown but the rage still boilin’, emotions permanently floored.
Why the fuck I gotta pay for her sins? This shit ain’t fair,
Late to the party with these labels, but the damage already there.
Anything to get away… anything to get away…
I’m still that kid hidin’ in the books, hopin’ somebody comes to save this fucking day
Ashonedge
