The Past

I stitched halos outta rusted barbed wire, thought I’d glow, But it cut my neck, drip red on the damn snow, I was prayin’ with a pistol in my lap, eyes low, Fuck a sermon, my confession got a body count, ho, I was young, carved my name in a cracked skull, Threw the bones in the river just to watch the blood dull, Smoked out, laughin’ at the ripples, feelin’ untouchable, Now the current whisper back my sins like an oracle, Old texts in my phone, ghosts in the ringtone, Missed calls from the people that I did wrong, They buried in my inbox, unread headstones, Every “are you okay?” turned to “leave me the fuck alone”, I was chasin’ cheap thrills, pocket full of quick kills, Heart cold, rolled gold over landfills

Of dead feelings, ex-lovers, burnt pills, Told myself it’s all jokes, now the punchline still, Bleedin’ out slow on my conscience, obnoxious, Voices in the walls, hissin’, “You ain’t godless, You a goddamn fraud, bitch, Everything you touch turn to dog shit.”

My past creepin’ in the rearview, grinnin’ with a slit throat, blood wrote, Every little secret on the big road, fuck hope, Skeletons tap dancin’ on my ribcage, tiptoe, I built my own hell, now the demons want the rent though, Yeah, my past creepin’ in the rearview, laughin’ like a sick joke, Every step I take, another chain, another thick rope, I made all these monsters, now they knockin’ at my shit door, “Open up, bitch, we back for an encore”

I’m the architect of every fuckin’ nightmare in my attic, I drafted all the static, every habit automatic, Ink black lungs, coughin’ out another dirty magic, Turned my best friend to a stranger, that was tragic, I ain’t braggin’, I was hidin’ razor blades in my jokes, cutthroat, Smiled while I slit my own hopes, steady boat, Sinkin’ in a bathtub, bubbles full of anecdotes, “Ha-ha,” motherfucker, now I choke on every anecdote, All the times I lied, said “I’m fine,” eyes dry, Turned to landmines buried in my mind, I step by, Boom—every memory, a war crime, no trial, I’m the judge, jury, hangman with a sick smile, I ghosted every mirror that reflected what I did, Tilted every picture frame, rewrote the fuckin’ script, But the film keep rollin’, every clip another crypt, I can’t edit out the blood, it just soaks through the film strip, Demons in my DMs, sayin’, “We should hang out”, I reply with a “fuck you,” but they already in my house, Feet up on the couch where I passed out, blacked out, Wake up with my sins on my chest like a black shroud

I ain’t runnin’ from the past, it jogs right beside me

Whisper in my ear every mile, “Come die, please”

I made every monster with my two bare, grimy

Hands, no excuse, every bruise got a signed piece