I just pray

It’s starting to happen again, these walls keep closing in. My head feels like my mind is moving so fast. I don’t want this to last, I want to scream somebody help me make this feeling pass. I look in the mirror and I scream not today. 

Please just make these thoughts go away 

They go away but they come back I don’t know why. I know I don’t want to die, it’s not even pain anymore more it’s just the thoughts stop coming back please I just want this to pass. Make it go away. I want to punch something hard. God are you there ? I know you are please help me fight these thoughts please make the devil disappear.

Please just make these thoughts go away 

My stomach aches I don’t know why or maybe I do, I don’t even cry. I pray almost everyday I’m trying so hard to live my life by you and right. Some days my mind is a mess I make it thru god bless. 

Please just make these thoughts go away 

I was going to service I swear I was but than idk what happened I do words that’s what it was, in my head I didn’t feel like I was good enough for you god. I have to be better you deserve more you deserve my best. You heard me reading the Bible I know you did. It felt amazing it really did but like everything else it felt so good but how long could it have lasted? I’m sorry but I think I tried to run from you. Yes again 

Please just make these thoughts go away 

I’m not sad, I’m not happy I just am and maybe that’s worse. I want a hug, I think my god is this my curse ? Hold me close before I run. I don’t want to run please I just want to have fun and smile and breathe and feel free. Please god this can’t be me. Can it ? 

Please just make these thoughts go away

I can make the thoughts stop I know I can I just have to breathes it’s fine but you know my m.o I’ll just leave. I don’t want that to be me any more. Everything makes me feel trapped I can’t breathe. Everything is beginning to feel like control. God I just want to scream . 

So I just pray 

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