Let Me Vanish

Black mold in my lungs, halo made of cigarette ash, Bible on the dashboard, but the pages smell like gas, Motherfuckers say “it’s phases,” like my brain just caught a rash, Doc scribble in his notepad, tryna sponsor me some trash, Pill blister on the sink like it’s a pearl from out the deep, But I’m drowning on the surface, scrolling hell before I sleep, Every “you’ll be fine” a lie; every sunrise feels like bleach, Heart a locked apartment, all my feelings out of reach, I been preaching to the void, it never once said “hallelujah”, All I get is silent static, feedback, dead air runnin’ through ya, If there’s angels in the rafters, they been clocked out from they duty, Left me conversatin’ with the spiders, webs all over my hoodie, Glass in my gums from the words I never spit out, Smile sliced ear to ear, that’s a suicide grin now, Eyes sunk, bruised moon, lookin’ tired of the sky, Even gravity don’t want me, I still never get high, Cross on my chest like a target for a god I never met, If he love me like they swear, why he ain’t pulled the trigger yet? Shrines in my scars, every line a burnt prayer, If you listen close, you can hear a dead kid there

I been beggin’ up above, “come collect me, motherfucker, I’m ready”, I’m just draggin’ round a corpse while my pulse stay petty, If you really run the show, why the fuck I’m still here? Cut the string, drop the curtain, let me vanish, disappear

Room smell like cold coffee, ashtray full of yesterdays, Every thought a cocked gun, safety off in my brain, Mirror like a witness that been sworn to never speak, Staring at a hollow man, skin saggin’ off the grief, Voices in the vents whisper, “time to clock out, bitch”, They been buildin’ me a coffin out of every failed wish, I got “sorry” on my tongue, I got “please” inside my fist, But I only open up when the razor wanna kiss, Phone blowin’ up with “check on you,” I leave ‘em on seen, ‘Cause I ain’t tryna dump a crime scene inside they screen, They don’t want the real script, just a PG-rated pain, Couple quotes and a selfie, then go ghost in the rain, I been pinning notes to notepads like obituaries, Every chorus that I write feel like involuntary, If I make it out the booth, shit, I still be in the cell, Just with slightly better acoustics for my personal hell

I been beggin’ up above, “come collect me, motherfucker, I’m ready”, I’m just draggin’ round a corpse while my pulse stay petty, If you really run the show, why the fuck I’m still here? Cut the string, drop the curtain, let me vanish, disappear

I been beggin’ up above, “come collect me, motherfucker, I’m ready”, I’m just draggin’ round a corpse while my pulse stay petty, If you really run the show, why the fuck I’m still here? Cut the string, drop the curtain, let me vanish, disappear