Cell Block Small

Intro]

Yeah…

County jail blues, cold food trays, bad decisions…

Then they gave me the wildest bunkmate alive.

Walked in nervous, chains draggin’ on the floor,

Big dude yellin’ from cell block four,

Guard tossed my blanket on the bed,

Tiny voice yelled, “Watch your giant head!”

Looked down shocked, thought I seen a goblin,

Little man shadowboxin’ while the toilet kept cloggin’,

Tatted-up arms, boots tiny as heck,

Toothbrush shank hidden under his neck.

Said his name Peanut, king of D-Block wing,

Sold ramen noodles like they diamond rings,

Deep little voice from a four-foot frame,

Everybody in the pod knew his name.

Locked up with a midget in a six-by-eight,

He stole my cornbread right off my plate,

Climbed top bunk like a caffeinated squirrel,

Threatened grown men with a prison curl.

Said, “Respect me, boy, don’t joke on my height,”

Then punched my kneecap in the middle of the night,

Never thought jail would go this way,

Now I’m playin’ spades with a tiny sensei.

Lights out hit, heard sounds by the sink,

Peanut makin’ prison wine quicker than you think,

Guard walked in for inspection rounds,

Tiny dude vanished without a sound.

I’m sweatin’, scared, thinkin’ we done,

Then I hear, “Relax, I’m inside your bunk,”

Man crawled through vents like an action flick,

Little outlaw moved way too quick.

One dude tried stealin’ our snack stash,

Peanut jumped up screamin’, “RUN THEM SNACKS!”

Leaped off the table like WWE,

Tiny fists flyin’ at lightning speed.

Locked up with a midget in a six-by-eight,

Traded three soups for a pair of skates,

Ran the whole pod with a crazy glare,

And somehow had better facial hair.

Yelled “Roll call!” like he owned the place,

Hot sauce stains all over his face,

Never thought jail would become my fate,

But now me and Peanut dominate.

Used phone books as a booster seat,

Still talked trash to everybody he’d meet,

Had homemade weights from soup cans too,

And fought a pigeon once during yard walk through.

One night said, “When we finally free,

We should start a food truck by the sea,”

I said, “Bro, maybe therapy instead,”

He said, “Nah, pass the ramen spread.”

Locked up with a midget, life got strange,

He caused whole riots over microwave range,

Short in height but insane in pride,

Little dude had the whole block terrified.

Now I’m home free, still losin’ sleep,

Hear tiny footsteps every time I eat,

If you ever hit jail, better pray and budget…

‘Cause the scariest man alive might be a tiny convict.

Yeah…

Free Peanut… probably.