Extra Crispy Dimensions

Yeah…

Walked into KFC for a two-piece meal…

Walked out questioning reality…

Pulled up fried, eyes lookin’ like saucers,

Thought the Colonel Sanders was a mystical author,

Menu started breathin’, biscuits started singin’,

Mashed potatoes told me, “Boy, your life got meanin’.”

I said “What?”

Cashier blinked twice in slow motion,

I was staring at the gravy like an ocean,

Chicken bucket lookin’ like a UFO,

Mac and cheese whisperin’, “Bro don’t go…”

The soda fountain turned into Niagara Falls,

Some dude coughed once and I jumped through the wall,

He said “You good?”

I said “Honestly no,”

I just saw a drumstick hit the Griddy real slow.

I was trippin’ balls at the KFC,

Thought the chicken little wings started talkin’ to me,

Extra crispy visions in the dining room lights,

Been in here since Friday, now it’s Sunday night.

Biscuits floatin’ up like they escaped gravity,

Colonel Sanders lectured me about responsibility,

Tried to order fries but forgot how to speak,

Now I’m spiritually connected to a family feast.

Saw a pigeon outside wearin’ Timberland boots,

Thought the drive-thru speaker was droppin’ hard truths,

A kid dropped a nugget — whole room went silent,

Felt like we witnessed a historical violence.

Lady asked me “Original or spicy?”

I stared for ten minutes like the question was pricey,

Started cryin’ softly holdin’ barbecue sauce,

Thinkin’ “Man… what if chickens were the boss?”

The wet floor sign started dancin’ on beat,

I apologized to every chair and every seat,

Bathroom mirror told me “You should call your mom,”

Then the sink started playin’ Vietnam war songs.

Ooooooh…

The coleslaw knows too much…

And the potato wedges…

They can see the future…

I was trippin’ balls at the KFC,

Thought the Colonel himself put a curse on me,

Neon lights hittin’ like a laser beam,

I got emotionally attached to the sweet tea machine.

Ate one biscuit and ascended my soul,

Tried to fist bump a napkin pole,

Manager said “Sir you been here all week,”

I said “Time ain’t real when the chicken this deep.”

Now I’m outside parked, staring at the moon,

Holding one drumstick like a sacred cartoon,

If you see me at KFC just let me be…

I’m somewhere between heaven and a number three combo meal.