Swipe right at 2AM, feelin’ kinda lonely,
Saw a cute girl smilin’ sayin’ “Come and get to know me,”
Profile said “small-town girl,” boots and a flannel shirt,
Shoulda known right then my luck was ’bout to make things worse.
[Verse 1]
Picked her up in my rusty Chevrolet,
Smelled like cheap cologne and gas station spray,
She laughed at my jokes, said I looked kinda fine,
I said “Girl, tonight you’re gettin’ free mozzarella sticks and wine.”
We rolled to Applebee’s, ordered drinks and fries,
Then she said, “You got your grandma’s eyes…”
I laughed kinda nervous, almost dropped my beer,
Then she said, “Wait… your daddy Frank from around here?”
My soul left my body, jukebox stopped dead,
Server walked by and I whispered, “I think we might be related…”
Pulled out both our phones, checked the family tree,
Turns out her mama’s cousin married kin to me.
[Pre-Chorus]
Second cousins technically ain’t that close,
At least that’s what my drunk uncle always boasts,
Band started playin’, everybody yellin’ “WOO!”
And somehow that disaster date kept rolling through.
[Chorus]
Oh no, Tinder turned to ancestry,
Family reunion chemistry,
Tryna act normal while we both agree,
“This might ruin Thanksgiving permanently.”
But she grabbed my hand with a devilish grin,
Said “You still got room in that Camry to spin?”
I said “Girl this town already talks enough…”
She said “Then let’s give ’em somethin’ good to discuss.”
[Verse 2]
Ridin’ down backroads, laughin’ way too hard,
Both of us prayin’ we ain’t share a backyard,
She said “If Grandma asks, we never met tonight,”
I said “Deal… but dang your eyeliner lookin’ right.”
Stopped at a gas station, bought some gummy bears,
Cashier looked at us like “Y’all siblings or a pair?”
We both yelled “NO!” way too fast and loud,
Now everybody in Buc-ee’s starin’ at us in the crowd.
She said “Honestly this kinda makes it thrillin’,”
I said “That sentence probably need some healin’,”
But the moon hit different and the radio was smooth,
And bad decisions started feelin’ like a mood.
[Bridge]
Now I ain’t sayin’ this is how love should start,
Probably belongs in a true crime documentary part,
But we laughed so hard that we nearly cried,
Two accidental cousins on a chaotic night ride.
[Final Chorus]
Oh no, Tinder turned to ancestry,
Family tree catastrophe,
But somehow she still kept flirtin’ back at me,
Like “Boy quit panickin’ and hand me the aux keys.”
Now every Thanksgiving I avoid eye contact,
Grandma keeps askin’ why we both wearin’ black,
And if you ask me what I learned from that night—
Read the family Facebook page before you swipe right.
[Outro]
Yeah…
Small towns dangerous, man…
One wrong swipe and you accidentally date somebody from the reunion cookout.