Pillow Talk at 2 A.M.

It’s two in the morning, got ramen in a cup,

My friends all got girlfriends, man, my luck is messed up.

Scrolling through my contacts, got nobody to call,

So I look across the bedroom and she’s standing proud and tall.

Well… technically she’s cotton,

And technically she’s flat,

But she never leaves me on read,

So there’s something good in that.

I said, “Baby, how was your day?”

She said absolutely nothing.

I said, “Wow, you’re such a good listener,”

Guess we really got something.

She don’t judge my gaming rank,

She don’t care I’m broke,

She survived three energy drinks

And a nacho cheese explosion.

I’m having pillow talk,

With my anime queen,

She’s the prettiest drawing

That I’ve ever seen.

We watch cartoons all night,

And laugh at my pain,

She’s stuffed with polyester,

But she’s keeping me sane.

Oh no, what have I become?

A grown man slow dancing

With a pillow for fun.

But when life gets weird

And the world ain’t kind,

At least my body pillow

Never changed her mind.

Took her out to dinner,

Okay, it was my couch.

I made us both some pizza rolls,

She didn’t eat much.

My buddy walked in suddenly,

He nearly hit the floor.

Said, “Bro, are you dating fabric?”

I said, “Mind your business, bro.”

He said, “You need help.”

I said, “Maybe that’s true.”

But she’s been more supportive

Than my ex ever knew.

She never starts arguments,

Never says I’m wrong,

And every conversation

Feels exactly one-sided all day long.

She don’t steal the blankets,

She don’t slam the door,

And every time I tell a joke

She laughs… in my imagination, of course.

I’m having pillow talk,

With my anime queen,

She’s the prettiest drawing

That I’ve ever seen.

She’s got those printed anime eyes,

That stare into my soul,

And honestly at this point,

I’m just trying to fill a hole.

Oh no, what have I become?

A lonely little gremlin

Looking for someone.

But when the world says “touch grass,”

I politely decline,

’Cause me and this body pillow

Got a dinner date tonight.

My mom says,

“Son, what is that thing?”

I said,

“Mother, please respect our relationship.”

The neighbors hear me talking,

Think I’m losing my mind,

But true love comes in many forms…

Mine just happens to be machine-washed and dried.

It’s pillow talk,

At two A.M.,

Me and my anime girlfriend

Doing it all again.

She’s never gonna leave,

She’s never gonna fight,

And if she gets dirty,

She goes through a wash cycle overnight.

So here’s to all the sad boys

Living life online,

Searching for romance

In the strangest of times.

And if you’re feeling lonely,

Just remember this tonight:

Maybe don’t date a pillow…

But hey, whatever helps you sleep at night!

I whispered, “I love you.”

She said nothing at all.

And somehow that was still

The healthiest relationship I’ve had so far. 🎵😂