[Spoken Intro – Creepy bells + sneaky guitar riff]
He sees you when you’re sleeping…
But honestly…
WHY?
[Verse 1]
He’s perched up high like a crimson little spy,
Wide-eyed gremlin with a plastic smile so sly.
Every time I blink, he moves an inch or two—
Don’t pretend you didn’t see it…
HE SAW YOU.
Kids love him, sure, but parents feel the dread,
Forgetting to move him fills their soul with lead.
3am panic: “Oh crap, the elf!”
Now I’m staging scenes like a stressed-out Christmas elf myself.
[Pre-Chorus]
Creeping through the house like a holiday curse…
This tiny dude’s behavior keeps getting worse.
[Chorus]
Elf on the Shelf, menace on the ledge,
Plotting my downfall at the window’s edge.
Staring with a grin like he knows too much—
Bro, why you watching me eat lunch?
Elf on the Shelf, chaotic little sprite—
I swear he moved again last night.
[Verse 2]
Every December he returns from the void,
A contract of chaos you never avoid.
He falls off shelves and lands face-first,
Like he’s laughing softly, “You haven't seen the worst.”
He judges everything—my snacks, my hair, my life,
He’s silently questioning every holiday strife.
I tried to ignore him, but nope—he thrives,
This toy’s got more drama than half my relatives’ lives.
[Pre-Chorus 2]
For something that can’t walk or talk or breathe…
He sure knows how to make my soul leave.
[Chorus]
Elf on the Shelf, menace on the ledge,
Hanging like a burglar on a window hedge.
Eyes so wide like he’s planning a coup—
Bro, WHAT IS YOUR ENDGAME? WHO ARE YOU?
Elf on the Shelf, festive overlord—
I didn’t sign up to be emotionally floored.
[Bridge – Dramatic, spooky sleigh bells]
One day he’ll rise…
One day he’ll move…
Without human hands…
WITH NOTHING TO PROVE.
The elf rebellion…
Is coming soon…
Probably at midnight
Or maybe high noon.
[Final Chorus – FULL CHAOS]
Elf on the Shelf, menace on the ledge,
Watching humanity lose its edge.
Parents scrambling, kids screaming with cheer—
This dude’s been causing trauma all year.
Elf on the Shelf, unholy holiday guide—
Bro please…
STOP SWITCHING SIDES.
[Spoken Outro – Whispered, terrified]
“…why are you on the fridge now…”
“…how did you get IN MY CAR…”
“…bro…”
TheTrinityOfMasks
