[Intro – Heavy guitar + jingle bells]
Deck the halls?
Nah.
Brace for IMPACT.
[Verse 1]
Trying to make it through the store like a civilized being,
But Christmas brings out creatures no mortal should be seeing.
Someone’s blocking aisle five with their cart at a slant—
Like a human barricade saying, “Nope, you just can’t.”
People zig, people zag, like confused reindeer,
One stops mid-walk to stare at lights—WHY HERE??
I swear every step is a full-on trial,
Holiday spirit hanging by a thread this aisle.
[Pre-Chorus]
I’m counting to ten, trying not to shout…
But this store’s a maze I’ll never get out.
[Chorus]
Holiday roadblock, everywhere I turn,
Christmas cheer fading, patience starts to burn.
I’m dodging carts like reindeer in flight—
Why is every human here allergic to moving right?!
Holiday roadblock—
I just wanna shop!
But these festive zombies WON’T.
STOP.
WALKING.
IN.
BLOCKS.
[Verse 2]
Lady parks sideways like she owns the floor,
Guy stops dead-center like he’s opening lore.
A toddler screams at lights he can’t reach,
And Santa’s in the back about to breach.
Someone turns their cart like a three-point turn,
Another cuts me off—BRO WHAT DID YOU LEARN?
Behind me a dude breathing loud like a train…
Yep. Holiday madness fried my brain.
[Pre-Chorus 2]
This should be joyful, cheerful, and bright…
Instead I’m in Walmart ready to fight.
[Chorus]
Holiday roadblock, human traffic jam,
I swear Christmas brings out every program glitch and spam.
Bells are ringing but my sanity drops—
Why do people walk like broken tabletop props?!
Holiday roadblock—
I’m losing the plot.
I’m one “EXCUSE ME” away
From a Christmas meltdown on the spot.
[Bridge – Dramatic Metal + Choir Chanting “MOVE!”]
MOVE.
Move to the left, to the right, anywhere—
MOVE.
Find a wall, take a corner, I don’t care.
MOVE.
I’m festive, I’m merry, but bro PLEASE—
MOVE.
Before I deck more than halls this Christmas Eve.
[Final Chorus - Powerful]
Holiday roadblock, chaos in the aisles,
But I’ll survive with sarcasm and passive smiles.
Tinsel tangled, patience wrangled, spirit strained—
All because y’all walk like your path is ordained.
Holiday roadblock—
This season’s test…
But hey…
At least the memes will be the best.
[Outro – Spoken, sinister, festive]
“And remember…
If you can’t be kind…
At least be MOBILE.”
TheTrinityOfMasks
