[Spoken Intro – Soft choir, then heavy drums + guitar]
Season’s greetings…
Let’s try not to scream in public today.
[Verse 1]
There you are again, middle of the floor,
Moving half the speed of life, blocking every door.
You stop, you stare, you drift like a sleepy drone,
Meanwhile I’m behind you aging into stone.
You sway like a snowflake caught in the breeze,
Except snowflakes don’t commit traffic felonies.
I try to pass once, but you drift to the side—
A human hazard with a peppermint stride.
[Pre-Chorus]
I know it’s Christmas, I know I should be kind…
But WHY are you walking like you’re buffering behind?
[Chorus]
Season’s greetings, you inconvenient human speedbump,
Turning aisles into obstacle courses with each bump.
I’m dodging, weaving, holding onto sanity—
But you walk like you’ve downloaded half your humanity.
Season’s greetings, merry Christmas my friend…
Now PLEASE pick a side so this nightmare can end.
[Verse 2]
You check your phone mid-step like it’s guiding your fate,
Meanwhile you’re blocking more traffic than I-98.
You stop in doorways like dramatic plot twists,
A festive roadblock wrapped in ignorance mist.
You glance around confused, like who put me here?
Spoiler alert: THAT WAS YOU, my dear.
I breathe deep, I smile, I try to remain mild…
But inside I’m screaming louder than a sugar-high child.
[Pre-Chorus 2]
’Tis the season to be patient, forgiving, and bright…
But damn, bro, WALK LIKE YOU’VE UNLOCKED MOVEMENT RIGHTS.
[Chorus]
Season’s greetings, you inconvenient human speedbump,
I swear you generate chaos with every clump.
I’m stepping sideways, Christmas spirit at risk—
Cause you’re moving with the urgency of a melted snowman brisk.
Season’s greetings, happy holidays to you—
Now kindly MOVE LIKE OTHER PEOPLE DO.
[Bridge – Dramatic choir chanting “MOVE!” in the background]
Move to the left, to the right, pick a lane—
Your strolling pace is causing candy-cane pain.
We could all coexist, peaceful and sweet—
If you didn’t walk like you’ve got two left feet.
[Final Chorus – FULL ORCHESTRAL ROCK EXPLOSION]
Season’s greetings, you inconvenient human speedbump,
Final warning before my last nerve goes thump.
Sleigh bells ringing, my patience thinning,
Your walking pattern? Absolutely unforgiving.
Season’s greetings, you festive blockade—
May your holidays be joyful…
Just PLEASE get out the way.
[Spoken Outro – Calm, polite, unhinged]
“From me…
to you…
with love and seasonal warmth…
MOVE!”
TheTrinityOfMasks
