Gift Wrap P.T.S.D.

[Spoken Word – Soft bells, Frustration]

It’s just wrapping paper.
How hard could it be?

[Intro - Instrumental]

[Verse 1]

I laid it flat, measured twice,
Still somehow cut it wrong—nice.
Tape sticks to me, not the box,
I’m fighting plastic like it talks.

Corners ripped, paper torn,
This gift’s been through a civil war.
I swear it was straight five seconds ago—
Now it looks like abstract art, bro.

[Pre-Chorus]

I’m calm… I’m fine… I’m doing great—
WHY IS THE TAPE STUCK TO MY FACE?

[Chorus]

Gift wrap P.T.S.D,
Scissors vanished, tape betrayed me.
I followed every step I see—
HOW IS THIS STILL CROOKED, PLEASE?
Gift wrap P.T.S.D,
Bow fell off, I screamed internally.
It’s the thought that counts, they say…
Good—cause this looks like a cry for help anyway.

[Verse 2]

I tried the fancy fold I saw online,
Paused the video forty-nine times.
They made it look so clean and tight—
Mine looks like it lost a fight.

Paper crinkles, edges split,
This box has seen some things, I admit.
Cat stole ribbon, dog ate tape,
This household’s not a safe workspace.

[Pre-Chorus 2]

I could’ve paid for a bag instead…
WHY DID PRIDE DO THIS TO MY HEAD?

[Chorus]

Gift wrap P.T.S.D,
Holiday crafts shouldn’t break me.
Every roll is cursed, I swear,
I’ve used half of it for one small square.
Gift wrap P.T.S.D,
I’m sweating like it’s surgery.
If they ask “did you wrap this yourself?”
I will simply leave the room and rethink my life choices.

[Bridge – Half-time meltdown]

Tape roll gone.
Found it.
Nope—
That’s the empty one.

Scissors?
Gone.

Sanity?
Also gone.

[Final Chorus – Full chaos]

Gift wrap P.T.S.D,
Wrinkled edges staring back at me.
I tried to care, I really did—
Now it’s “rustic” and “from the heart,” kid.
Gift wrap P.T.S.D,
Merry Christmas, here’s anxiety.
Next year I’m using gift bags only—
OR JUST HANDING IT TO YOU RAW, SORRY.

[Outro – Instrumental]

[Spoken Word - defeated]

“It’s the thought that counts…”
Good.
Because the execution has left the building.

Male Vocals, Female Vocals, Duet, Christmas/Punk Rock/Comedy/Rock fusion, Holiday Theme, Funny, Frustrated, Sleigh Bells