Deck The Hall, Not These People

[Spoken Word over Sleigh Bells + Guitar Riff]

’Tis the season…
to breathe deep…
and not commit a misdemeanor.

[Intro - Instrumental]

[Verse 1]

I’m walking through the store, just trying to get my cheer,
But every aisle’s a battlefield this time of year.
Someone stops dead-center like they own the place,
Cart sideways, phone out, ignorance on their face.

I’m dodging elbows, strollers, and a random dog,
Someone’s coughing on the ornaments like a festive fog.
I know Christmas is about love and joy and light…
But some of y’all are REALLY testing my “silent night.”

[Pre-Chorus]

It’s the most wonderful time, so I keep my cool…
But every single year, I question why we do this ritual.

[Chorus]

Deck the halls, not these people,
That’s the rule I keep repeating.
Deep breaths, stay peaceful,
While my patience takes a beating.
I swear, if one more person bumps me without looking…
I’ll jingle all the way to jail—
Fa-la-la-la-la, what a holiday fail.

[Verse 2]

A lady cuts the line pretending she “didn’t see,”
A kid screams bloody murder by the Christmas tree.
A dude grabs the LAST wreath like he’s claiming a throne—
Bro, chill, it’s décor, not the Infinity Stone!

Someone arguing coupons from two years back,
Another going full Karen on the Santa Claus sack.
I’m holding it together with peppermint twine…
But holiday peace is hanging on a fragile line

[Pre-Chorus 2]

’Tis the season for goodwill and warm hugs…
But y’all keep acting like caffeinated sugar bugs.

[Chorus]

Deck the halls, not these people,
That’s the mantra keeping me stable.
Smile big, stay peaceful,
Though my rage is at the table.
If one more shopping cart smashes into my heel…
I’ll jingle all the way to court—
Fa-la-la-la-la, emotional support.

[Bridge – Dramatic Orchestral Metal Build]

Why can’t people walk like humans do?
Why y’all stop mid-aisle with no clue?
Why you act like the store is brand new?
I’m asking nicely…
Before I lose it politely…

[Final Chorus – Full Power]

Deck the halls, not these people,
I’m trying to stay legal!
Deep breaths, be peaceful—
Though your actions are downright evil.
Santa’s watching, so I’ll try to stay chill…
But if one more person tests my will…
I’ll wrap myself in tinsel and scream—
Fa-la-la-la-la, holiday dream.

[Spoken Outro – Petty Whisper]

“Remember…
be merry, be bright…
and for the love of Christmas…
MOVE.
TO.
THE.
SIDE.”

Male Vocals,  Hard Rock/Comedic Metal, Sarcastic, Petty tone, Christmas Theme, Bells, Jingling bells