[Intro – metal riff + sleigh bells]
District 12?
Nah, welcome to Walmart at 4 PM in December.
[Verse 1]
I pull into the lot with hope in my heart…
Then instantly regret it because humans fall apart.
Someone’s backing out blind, someone’s cutting the lane,
A minivan doing donuts like it’s running from pain.
A dude sees my blinker, speeds up just to block—
Bro, you ain’t winning a medal for being a jock.
Someone’s stalking my spot like a lion in snow,
I swear this whole place runs on pure ego.
[Pre-Chorus]
I just want to park… I just want to survive…
But this festive battlefield tests my WILL TO STAY ALIVE.
[Chorus]
Parking Lot Hunger Games,
Where nobody stops and everyone blames.
Every car’s a weapon, every turn’s a fight—
Surviving this chaos is the REAL Silent Night.
Parking Lot Hunger Games,
One wrong move and you're engulfed in flames—
Metaphorically…
(I hope.)
[Verse 2]
Pedestrians walk diagonal at one mile per hour,
Meanwhile traffic builds like a Christmas tower.
A dude’s loading his trunk for seventeen years,
Blocking four spots while shifting his gears.
Two SUVs duel like gladiators in Rome,
Neither willing to yield the spot near home.
A cart rolls by itself on a mission of doom—
Not my problem… until it hits my room.
[Pre-Chorus 2]
The lights are blinking, the rage is rising…
Holiday shopping should come with advising.
[Chorus]
Parking Lot Hunger Games,
Where blinker signals die and chaos reigns.
People honk in ten different tones—
Someone’s yelling on a megaphone.
Parking Lot Hunger Games,
Every victory feels like claim to fame—
Finding a spot?
Bro, that’s a legendary name.
[Bridge – Dramatic Choir]
Left turn denied…
Right turn betrayed…
The Christmas lot is where sanity fades.
Only the brave…
Only the bold…
Can emerge from this asphalt battlefield whole.
[Final Chorus – Chaotic]
Parking Lot Hunger Games,
Holiday madness in traffic frames.
I grip the wheel like a warrior king—
JUST LET ME PARK MY DING-DANG THING.
Parking Lot Hunger Games,
One wrong move and your spirit maims—
Merry Christmas,
I guess…
We survived the flames.
[Spoken Outro – Exhausted]
“Next year…
I’m ordering everything online.”
TheTrinityOfMasks
