[Cold Open – Female Spoken]
Ladies and gentlemen… welcome to a dramatic tale of two lovers who refuse to use their voices.
[Male Spoken]
Even though they live ten feet apart.
[Both]
One, two, three, four!
⸻
[Male – Verse 1]
Sent forty-seven texts in three minutes flat
Did you die? Did you leave? Did you run? Come back!
You’re typing — I see dots — why’d they disappear?
Oh wait, I heard you sneeze through the wall right here!
[Female – Verse 1]
Boy, chill out — I just changed rooms
You’re giving Lifetime-movie doom
Stop acting like I fled the state
You saw me literally moments ago, mate!
[Both – Pre-Chorus]
Why use words like normal people do
When we can scream in emojis?
Everybody scat!
⸻
[Chorus]
We’re literally in the same house
This love is loud, this love is scary
We’re literally in the same house
Paranoia — kinda sexy, kinda hairy
Who needs sanity? Not us, wow
We’re literally, dramatically
In the same house now
⸻
[Male – Verse 2]
I sent you nineteen pictures of my eyeball
Zoom into my soul — or don’t reply at all
Slid a note under your door — then texted “Did you get it?”
You didn’t answer… panic! Lick stamp! Regret it!
[Female – Verse 2]
You FaceTimed from the hallway screaming
“Babe, do you still love me?”
We’re both unstable, clingy gremlins
Obsessed and doomed — but made for melody
[Pre-Chorus]
Caps lock passion
Work-from-home fashion
Phones held tight like warfare action
⸻
[Chorus]
We’re literally in the same house
This romance is a crime-scene vibe
We’re literally in the same house
Call 911 — we love too hard to survive
You’re my psycho, I’m your mess
Healthy couples? Hard pass, yes
We’re literally, spiritually
Obsessively
In the same house
⸻
[Bridge – Tap-Dance Fight]
Male: I’m outside your door — reply!
Female: Don’t you dare breathe in my proximity!
Male: I’ll sleep here like Romeo!
Female: Wrong play, bro, let it go!
Male: I wrote “I miss you” in ketchup
Female: That’s horrifying — clean that up
Both: We are toxic — yet divine
You’re mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Miiiine!
[Breakdown – Whispered]
Type, type, type, type, type
Love is war and iPhones are weapons
Dramatic duets are our obsession
⸻
[Final Chorus]
We’re literally in the same house
You’re on the bed — I’m by the fridge
We’re literally in the same house
Texting like we’re on a long-distance bridge
Across the battlefield of love and fear
Two hearts, one Wi-Fi signal near
We’re literally, stupendously
Ridiculously
In the same house
[Outro – Yelling through walls]
“I love you!”
“Text it!”
“I miss you!”
“Use a GIF!”
(doors slam, horns hit, blackout)
SchmooPac
