[Verse 1]
Well I woke up this mornin’ with a feelin’ of dread,
Doctor said, “It’s time, boy, we look in your head…
Well, the one that’s southbound, where the sun don’t glow,”
I near passed out just hearin’ that, oh no no no!
[Chorus]
They’re goin’ where the sun don’t shine,
With a hose and a scope and a bright headlight.
I said, “Doc, please don’t sneak up from behind,”
They’re goin’ where the sun don’t shine.
⸻
[Verse 2]
I’m short but my fear is tall as a pine,
That prep drink hit like moonshine mixed with turpentine.
Been sittin’ on porcelain like it’s my new bride,
Just prayin’ I don’t launch into the sky!
[Chorus]
They’re goin’ where the sun don’t shine,
Lord, I’m clenchin’ like a rusty ol’ clothesline.
I said, “Doc, just treat my cheeks real kind,”
They’re goin’ where the sun don’t shine.
⸻
[Bridge]
Mama said, “Boy, it’s for your own good,”
But I still wish I could knock on wood.
They say it’s routine, nothin’ to fear,
But I saw the size of that scope and I shed a tear.
[Verse 3]
Nurse came in with gloves to her elbow joint,
Said, “Just relax, we’ll make our point.”
I said, “Ma’am, if I fart, it ain’t personal,
But my rear’s in shock, it’s reversible!”
[Chorus]
They’re goin’ where the sun don’t shine,
With a camera crew like it’s primetime.
If my butt had a door, it’d have a ‘Do Not Enter’ sign,
They’re goin’ where the sun don’t shine.
⸻
[Verse 4]
Now I’m countin’ down while the meds kick in,
Got a soft blankie and a nervous grin.
Doc said, “Ten, nine…” I said, “Whoa, wait a sec—
Can’t we just X-ray my redneck?!”
[Chorus]
They’re goin’ where the sun don’t shine,
With lube and lights like a coal mine.
I might come out with new insight divine,
They’re goin’ where the sun don’t shine.
⸻
[Outro]
So if you’re scared and your knees feel weak,
Just sing this song when they scope your cheeks.
It’s a trip through the tunnel, just once a year,
Just hold real still… and protect your rear!
[Final Chorus – slow & proud]
They’re goin’ where the sun don’t shine,
Like a spelunker chasin’ gold in a mine.
I survived, now my colon’s doin’ fine—
They done gone where the sun don’t shine.
SchmooPac
