The Taco Bell Chronicles (Six Months of Doom)

I made a bold choice back in July,

Said goodbye to food groups, waved veggies goodbye.

Just tacos and chalupas, burritos galore,

My colon cried out, but I begged it for more.

Six months of Taco Bell, oh what a ride,

My stomach’s a war zone I just can’t hide.

From gas station stalls to a stranger’s front lawn,

I’m poopin’ and scootin’ from dusk until dawn!

Hit the drive-thru daily, they knew me by name,

“Here comes the guy with the bowels aflame!”

A Crunchwrap for breakfast, two soft shells at noon,

By dinner I’m sweating and praying for a spoon.

Blew up a restroom at the DMV,

Dropped a bombshell in aisle four at CVS.

My pants betrayed me at a carnival ride,

And at my niece’s wedding—well, I damn near died.

Six months of Taco Bell, I paid the price,

Explosive regret served up with rice.

From hotel lobbies to church confessionals,

I left behind stains that weren’t professional.

My toilet’s retired, it filed a claim,

The plumber just cries when he hears my name.

My dog won’t look me in the eyes no more,

Since I redecorated the kitchen floor.

So heed my tale, don’t walk my path,

Your guts deserve more than this volcanic wrath.

But if you must feast on that fiery shell,

Pack extra drawers and say goodbye to your smell!

Six months of Taco Bell, I lost my soul,

Each meal a grenade in a tortilla roll.

From rooftops to Uber rides, I left my mark—

A flatulent legend, a living food fart!