Intro
Ten friends deep at the kitchen table,
Pizza gettin’ cold, nobody stable,
One card flip and the whole room broke,
Grandma in the corner boutta choke from the jokes.
“Alright y’all, keep it civil tonight…”
Five minutes later—friendship gone on sight.
⸻
Verse 1
LaNico brought White Claws and emotional damage,
Taya read a card and caused permanent panic,
Adam laughin’ so hard he wheezed,
Meanwhile Maranda yellin’, “BRO THAT WAS MEAN!”
Michael got quiet… that’s never good,
Pulled a combo so cursed it shook the neighborhood,
Javier fell off the chair cryin’ tears,
“Y’all need therapy” been said six times this year.
Adarian keeps sayin’, “I can’t read this aloud,”
Then reads it louder than anyone in the crowd,
Muck sweatin’ like he committed crimes,
Because every card somehow fit him every time.
⸻
Chorus
Cards Against Humanity — friendships on fire,
Say one wild sentence and get instantly retired,
Ten drunk idiots yellin’ at the ceiling,
Half the room cryin’, half physically kneeling.
Everybody sayin’, “Nah bro, too far,”
Then immediately slams an even worse card,
By round three nobody got humanity left,
Just pizza grease, trauma, and identity theft.
⸻
Verse 2
Paige played “grandma” with “gas station sushi,”
Room got silent like an active duty briefing,
Then Santos whispered, “I got one worse…”
Pulled a card so evil it reversed the Earth.
LaNico spit Mountain Dew across the table,
Knocked over ranch and disconnected the cable,
Dog walked in, looked disappointed as hell,
Turned around immediately like, “Nah, wish y’all well.”
Adam keeps explainin’ why his card was smart,
Bro wrote a TED Talk for a fart joke card,
Meanwhile Taya can’t breathe on the floor,
Soundin’ like a dying lawn mower in a war.
Someone yelled, “WHO BOUGHT THE FAMILY EDITION?”
Everybody froze like divine intervention,
Cause these cards got dark REAL damn fast,
Aunt Linda left and never came back.
⸻
Bridge
Michael got offended for exactly two minutes,
Then dropped a card that sent everybody spinning,
Javier lost because he laughed too hard,
Couldn’t even finish readin’ his own damn card.
Outside neighbors think a fight broke loose,
Nah, just Santos reading cards about goose juice,
Police roll by hearin’ demonic screams,
We just yell, “IT’S A BOARD GAME, PLEASE LEAVE!”
⸻
Final Chorus
Cards Against Humanity — destroyin’ the crew,
Turnin’ normal ass people into goblins by round two,
Ten best friends now legally banned,
From game nights, Applebee’s, and most of the land.
Still yellin’, “LAST ROUND!” at a quarter past three,
Table smellin’ like regret and cheap whiskey,
And somehow every single weekend we say:
“Y’all tryna play again Friday?”
LDRides