Worst Massage Appointment Ever

Yo…

Back hurt, neck stiff, stress through the roof,

Needed a massage just to tell the truth.

Saw a little spot with a neon sign,

Thought I’d relax…

Man, I should’ve stayed home this time.

Walked in the spa, got a robe and some slides,

Feeling like a king, had relaxation on my mind.

Face down on the table, waterfall sound,

Then I heard a voice that almost spun me around.

“Wait… Step Bro?”

Hold up, no way.

I know that voice, but it can’t be today.

Turned my head slow, nearly fell off the bed,

My step-sister standing there looking full of dread.

She yelled, “WHY ARE YOU HERE?!”

I yelled, “WHY ARE YOU?!”

Now we’re both pointing like a live-action Scooby-Doo.

Manager walked in like, “Everything alright?”

We both yelled “NO!” and almost started a fight.

OH NO!

Worst day ever!

Universe really put us here together?

Both of us panicked,

Both of us running,

Grandma gonna hear this story by Thanksgiving.

OH NO!

Hit rewind, please!

I need a whole new reality.

This ain’t relaxing,

This is a disaster,

I would’ve had more peace getting chased by a raptor.

Now the whole spa staring, people watching the show,

One dude recording, another yelling “BRO!”

Old lady laughing so hard she lost her breath,

Meanwhile I’m wishing for a witness protection set.

She said, “I’m changing rooms.”

I said, “I’m changing states.”

Matter fact, I’m moving somewhere nobody can trace.

Skipping Christmas dinner, birthdays too,

Ain’t no way I’m explaining this to the family crew.

Next holiday dinner got awkward quick,

Nobody knew why we were acting weird as—

Mom said, “Pass the potatoes.”

I passed the whole bowl.

Then I passed myself right out the front door.

Grandpa asked, “Everything okay?”

We both yelled, “YEP!”

Then spilled our drinks at the exact same step.

Whole family confused, trying to connect the dots,

Meanwhile we’re sweating like we got caught by the cops.

OH NO!

Worst day ever!

Universe really put us here together?

Both of us panicked,

Both of us running,

Grandma gonna hear this story by Thanksgiving.

OH NO!

Hit rewind, please!

I need a whole new reality.

This ain’t relaxing,

This is a disaster,

I would’ve had more peace getting chased by a raptor.

Back still hurts.

Stress still winning.

Family still laughing years from Thanksgiving.

One lesson learned that’ll stick till the end:

If life offers a weird story…

Sometimes just turn around and leave again.

Record scratch

And I’m NEVER going back to Room Three.

🎤😂 “What are you doing, Step Bro?!” became the most cursed sentence of my entire life. 😂