[Verse 1]
I kept it folded up
like bad news in my coat
Smile on my face
while I watched it sink my boat
Mama used to ask me
why my hands shook
I said “I’m fine”
I lied through a cracked look
The rent was late again
the sink kept groaning
I learned how to nod
while my whole chest was stoning
You ever hold your breath
just to spare the room?
That was me for years
walking through my own tomb
[Pre-Chorus]
And I got real good
at looking gone
Real good
at carrying on
Say less, stay still
let the hurt move through
I been heavy so long
I forgot what’s true
[Chorus]
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
I said “I’m okay”
I’m not okay
Hold that line
hold that line
I been breaking
for a long, long time
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
(keep it together)
I’m not okay
[Verse 2]
My brother called twice
I let it ring out
Stared at the screen
like it had my name out
There’s a box in the hall
full of who I was
Old school photo
and a plastic cup
I threw out the pills
kept the bottle though
That’s the kind of logic
only lonely people know
I talk to the mirror
like it owes me truth
But it just gave back
that tired-boy proof
And every “you good?”
felt like a blade slide
I’d say “yeah, I’m good”
then I’d watch the lie hide
[Pre-Chorus]
And I got real good
at looking gone
Real good
at carrying on
Say less, stay still
let the hurt move through
I been heavy so long
I forgot what’s true
[Chorus]
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
I said “I’m okay”
I’m not okay
Hold that line
hold that line
I been breaking
for a long, long time
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
(keep it together)
I’m not okay
[Bridge]
No grand exit
no clean surprise
Just this bruise-colored
truth in my eyes
I was numb so long
it felt like home
Now the quiet in me
won’t leave me alone
If you hear this part
don’t look away
I’ve been standing in fire
and calling it day
[Final Chorus]
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
I said “I’m okay”
I’m not okay
Hold that line
hold that line
I been breaking
for a long, long time
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
(keep it together)
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
I’m not okay
I said “I’m okay”
I’m not okay