Sounds of Survival

I learned young how to carry silence

How to smile while my chest caves in

How to stand in a crowded room

And still feel invisible inside my own skin

Everybody loves the strong man

Til the strong man starts to shake

Then they get uncomfortable

With the weight he cannot fake

So I turn pain into humor

Turn fear into “I’m alright”

Spend my whole damn life performing

Just to sleep alone at night

And I swear I’m trying

God, I swear I care

But some days the air feels heavy

Like there’s pressure everywhere

I’m so tired of being the one

Who holds the walls up when they come undone

Tired of breathing through a storm nobody sees

Tired of fighting wars that only live in me

And I don’t need saving

Don’t need someone to say “stay strong”

I just wanna feel human

Without feeling like I’m wrong

Cause my soul feels worn thin

Like rust beneath the paint

And every time I heal a little

Something new inside me breaks

I love hard but think harder

That’s a dangerous mix to hold

Cause my mind turns every memory

Into something sharp and cold

I replay conversations

Like they hide some deeper truth

Trying to find where I lost myself

Or maybe where I lost my youth

Cause somewhere between surviving

And becoming who I am

I turned into emotional shelter

For everybody else again

Now the nights feel longer

And the quiet cuts deep

Cause exhaustion hits different

When your mind won’t let you sleep

I’m so tired of being the one

Who keeps his head up when the damage comes

Tired of carrying weight that nobody sees

Tired of acting like it doesn’t bury me

And I don’t need fixing

Don’t need hollow sympathy

I just want somebody to sit beside

The darkest parts of me

Cause my soul feels worn thin

Like smoke inside my lungs

And every year I keep surviving

Feels heavier than the last one

Maybe I was never broken

Maybe I just never stopped bleeding

Maybe strength ain’t staying silent

Maybe strength is finally speaking

Cause I’ve stood in storms so long

I forgot the sky gets clear

Forgot peace is supposed to feel safe

Instead of disappearing when it gets near

I’m still here but barely sometimes

Still loving with a fractured mind

Still trying not to let the darkness win

Still trying not to harden from within

And if you really see me

Don’t tell me I’ll be okay

Just sit with me in the silence

Long enough for the weight to fade

Cause I’m not looking for answers

Not tonight

I just needed someone

To hear what survival sounds like