Pick a Power

What’s the deal with Superman, seriously?

Did the writers just say “give him everything”?

Super speed, strength, flying through the sky

Laser eyes, freeze breath—okay, but why?

Bulletproof, never bruised, never even bleeds

Got a whole buffet of superhuman needs

I’m just sayin’, if you’re buildin’ fantasy

Leave a little room for gravity

You’re untouchable, unstoppable, never even stressed

Unless someone’s waving glow sticks at your chest

Hey—could you maybe pick a power?

Leave the rest for someone else

You got the whole world in your pocket

While we’re stuck here being ourselves

Yeah you only break a sweat

If that green rock’s in the room

Kinda funny how a hero

Needs a crystal just to lose

And Lois Lane, girl what’s going on?

You don’t see it when he takes the glasses off?

Same jawline, same voice, same whole vibe

But a pair of frames is a perfect disguise?

Investigative mind, chasing every lead

But you miss the guy you see every week

Guess love’s blind or maybe it’s a joke

Or those glasses doing all the heavy work

Yeah you crack every case across the globe

But not the one sitting right across your nose

Hey—could you maybe pick a power?

Leave the rest for someone else

You got the whole world in your pocket

While we’re stuck here being ourselves

Yeah you only break a sweat

If that green rock’s in the room

Kinda funny how a hero

Needs a crystal just to lose

Okay, wait—hold up.

So let me get this straight…

You’re basically a god…

But a space rock from your backyard takes you out?

…Right. Makes total sense.

And don’t even get me started—

Green Lantern with a glowing little ring

Making giant fists like it’s everything

Charges it up with a lantern and a rhyme

Poetry slam saves the world this time?

And your weakness is… yellow? Really though?

So a school bus is your final boss, bro?

I can’t decide if I’m impressed or confused

Guess comic book logic makes its own rules

Hey—could you maybe pick a power?

Or at least a better flaw

’Cause if yellow’s gonna stop you

Man, that’s kind of a design flaw

Yeah you save the day in style

But it’s all a little sus

When the only thing that beats you

Is convenience for the plot

Yeah you’re heroes, yeah you’re legends, yeah it’s cool

But don’t blame me for questioning the rules