County Jail

Well I was doin' 23 in a 25 zone

Sippin' on a Slurpee, mindin’ my own

Then the lights lit up like a disco show

Now I'm cuffed in the back like a real outlaw, whoa!

They said, “Boy you look suspicious, wearin' shades at night”

“You got a smirk on your face and that don’t sit right”

Next thing I know I’m booked and bailed

Charged with smilin’ — first-degree failed!

'Cause the badge gets heavy when there’s nothin’ to do

You've got eight county cops watchin’ cows chew

They’ll lock you up just to kill some time

Make you pay a fine for a victimless crime

It’s a small-town game with a badge and a frown

Where the long arm of the law just swings around

They say justice is blind, but she’s got a twitch

In this one-stop-sign town, she’s a petty little bitch!

My cousin Jimmy had a runny nose

Dropped his allergy pills on his girlfriend’s clothes

Deputy Dan sniffed around the scene

Said, “Looks like meth — somethin’ mean!”

Held it up like it was contraband

It was Claritin-D — not what he planned

But he pulled out a bag and said, “It turned blue”

“You ain’t got no dope, so I planted it on you”

Then the scanner beeped and the cuffs went snap

They said, “We got our guy—time for a nap!”

They said, “What’s this here? Looks like dust in a bag?”

I said, "That's donut crumbs....you over caffeinated “hag”

Now I’m in a jumpsuit, waitin' on trial

For the crime of sneezin’ with a country smile

Now I’m sharin’ a cell with a guy named Dwight

He got twenty years for flyin’ a kite

Too close to the mayor’s BBQ bash

While they drank their beers and lit up some hash

Then they drove home and had a big crash

But guess who’s locked up? Not the mayor’s trash

Meanwhile the chief’s out back... polishin’ his badge

With a six-pack cooler and a federal stash

And the only real crime in this here zone

Is runnin’ outta folks to throw them stones!

This town's got one street, three stoplights

And a jail busier than a virgin on prom night

They’ll strip you butthole naked before they let you go

Beware of the cop…with a bruised ego

(Chorus-style singing)

So if you’re passin’ through, don’t make a grin

Don’t sneeze, don’t dance, don’t litter, don’t sin

They’ll cuff your shadow just to get hard

Then jerk each other off in the mayor’s front yard — rough!

Post your mugshot …one every hour

So f**k the police….. and their abuse of power.