[Verse 1] Well I was doin' 23 in a 25 zone Sippin' on a Slurpee, mindin’ my own Then the lights lit up like a disco show Now I'm cuffed in the back like a real outlaw, whoa! They said, “Boy you look suspicious, wearin' shades at night” “You got a smirk on your face and that don’t sit right” Next thing I know I’m booked and bailed Charged with smilin’ — first-degree failed! [Chorus] 'Cause the badge gets heavy when there’s nothin’ to do You've got eight county cops watchin’ cows chew They’ll lock you up just to kill some time Make you pay a fine for a victimless crime It’s a small-town game with a badge and a frown Where the long arm of the law just swings around They say justice is blind, but she’s got a twitch In this one-stop-sign town, she’s a petty little bitch! [Verse 2] My cousin Jimmy had a runny nose Dropped his allergy pills on his girlfriend’s clothes Deputy Dan sniffed around the scene Said, “Looks like meth — somethin’ mean!” Held it up like it was contraband It was Claritin-D — not what he planned But he pulled out a bag and said, “It turned blue” “You ain’t got no dope, so I planted it on you” Then the scanner beeped and the cuffs went snap They said, “We got our guy—time for a nap!” [Bridge] They said, “What’s this here? Looks like dust in a bag?” I said, "That's donut crumbs....you over caffeinated “hag” Now I’m in a jumpsuit, waitin' on trial For the crime of sneezin’ with a country smile [Verse 3] Now I’m sharin’ a cell with a guy named Dwight He got twenty years for flyin’ a kite Too close to the mayor’s BBQ bash While they drank their beers and lit up some hash Then they drove home and had a big crash But guess who’s locked up? Not the mayor’s trash Meanwhile the chief’s out back... polishin’ his badge With a six-pack cooler and a federal stash And the only real crime in this here zone Is runnin’ outta folks to throw them stones! [Breakdown – spoken/sung] This town's got one street, three stoplights And a jail busier than a virgin on prom night They’ll strip you butthole naked before they let you go Beware of the cop…with a bruised ego (Chorus-style singing) So if you’re passin’ through, don’t make a grin Don’t sneeze, don’t dance, don’t litter, don’t sin They’ll cuff your shadow just to get hard Then jerk each other off in the mayor’s front yard — rough! Post your mugshot …one every hour So f**k the police….. and their abuse of power.

County Jail