[Verse 1]
Dad walked in at half past five
Steel toe boots and tired blue eyes
Dropped his keys in the old glass tray
Said “Son, what’d you learn in school today?”
Usually I shrug and say “not much”
Then sneak upstairs and log online with us
But today I paid attention best I could
At least the parts I understood
Miss Jenny smiled at me in history class
Tyler shot a rubber band and broke the glass
Coach came yellin’ through the doorway loud
And somewhere in there I got confused somehow
[Pre-Chorus]
I said “Dad, I finally listened good
I learned a whole bunch more than I thought I would!”
[Chorus (Hook)]
Dad, did you know Egyptians invented rock and roll?
Built the pyramids for giant stereo controls
Calculators mate for life out in the wild
That’s why mine died after fourth period awhile
Space is only eight miles up from here
Astronauts carry laser swords and spears
And our science class made a black hole today
Mrs. Crabtree said “Don’t tell your parents” anyway
[Verse 2]
Dad stopped halfway to his chair
Got that worried “something’s in the air” stare
Mom was laughing by the kitchen sink
Dad looked too concerned to even blink
In English class I wrote a compare and control essay
Teacher said she’s gonna save it for another day
Said future students oughta study what I wrote
Pretty sure that means I’m smarter than most
Pretty girls kept walkin’ through my train of thought
And Tyler kept explainin’ things he probably ought not
I tried real hard to keep my facts all straight
But lunchroom tacos complicated my fate
[Pre-Chorus]
I said “Dad, school’s amazing now
I know more stuff than anybody around!”
[Chorus (Hook)]
Dad, did you know dinosaurs invented traffic cones?
And Abraham Lincoln made the very first smartphones?
Thomas Edison discovered pizza rolls by chance
And penguins may control the world from Antarctica France
Space is only eight miles up from here
There’s probably monster trucks upon the moon somewhere
And our science class made a black hole today
If it swallows Earth we still got homework due Friday
[Bridge]
Dad said “Son… I think some wires crossed”
I said “No sir, this knowledge can’t be lost!”
Then my backpack started rattlin’ on the floor
And glowing purple smoke came pourin’ from the zipper door
The dog went flyin’ past the TV set
Grandma’s wig got stuck to the internet
Dad grabbed Mom and yelled “Everybody run!”
And I yelled “SEE? SCHOOL SCIENCE IS FUN!”
[Final Chorus (Big Hook)]
Dad, did you know Egyptians invented rock and roll?
Napoleon fought robots in the frozen snow
Calculators fall in love and mate for life
And black holes grow bigger if you feed ’em sloppy joes and Sprite
Space is only eight miles up from here
And I almost understand what teachers say all year
Yeah I finally paid attention all day long
…And somehow still got everything wrong
[Outro]
Now every night at half past five
Dad walks in with worried eyes
Still asks me what I learned at school
Then says “Please God… don’t let him explain science too.”