Honky Tonk Trouble

[Chorus]

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal post of life,
I swore I'd come home, not start drinkin' tonight.
Now I’m slurrin’ my words and I’m low on my cash,
With lipstick on my collar and a wife who might bash.
I’m prayin’ for mercy, or maybe a fight,
Drop kick me Jesus... and aim for the porch light!

[Verse 1]

Clock hit five and I hit the road,
Supposed to go home, that's what I was told.
But Ol' Joe’s Bar had a neon glow,
And my truck sorta steered itself, y'know?
Just one beer turned to maybe four,
Then a shot or two and I hit the floor.
Now I’m leanin’ on the jukebox, singin’ real loud,
While my phone keeps buzzin'—I ain't feelin' proud.

[Verse 2]

Stumbled to the truck, but I lost my keys,
Found ‘em by my boots right between my knees 
Wallet’s gone, my card declined,
And my breath could start a fire—Lord, I crossed the line.
She’s waitin’ at home with a frying pan stare,
Probably practicin’ swings in her old recliner chair.
I’d fake a heart attack or hitch a ride with a priest,
But this hangdog cowboy’s headin’ home for the feast.

[Bridge]

Lord, if you're listenin’, now’s the time,
Strike me down or help me climb,
Through that front door without a bruise,
Or maybe just let her hit snooze.
I’ll go to church, I’ll change my ways,
Just buy me a few more drunk-man days!

[Final Chorus]

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal post of life,
Send me flying past the doghouse and my angry wife.
My boots are muddy, my pride took a hit,
And I smell like whiskey, regret, and bad grit.
If redemption’s a sofa, I’ll sleep there tonight,
Drop kick me Jesus... and turn off the porch light.

Classic Country, 80's early 90's County, male