"Old Man Superman"
💥🦸♂️ [Think rockabilly blues meets comedy rock — kind of like Weird Al meets Johnny Cash.]
---
🎸 [Intro – Spoken Over a Slow Harmonica Blues Riff]
“Truth, justice, and the... huh? What was I saying again?
Oh yeah. I'm still Superman, dammit. Just... slower and with more ointment.”
---
🎶 [Verse 1]
He used to leap tall buildings in a single bound,
Now he groans just standin' up off the ground.
Forgot where he flew, ended up in Des Moines,
Wore his cape like a bathrobe… 'cause his back’s outta joint!
---
🎶 [Verse 2]
X-ray vision ain't what it used to be,
Mistook a cat for a bomb near aisle 3.
Laser sneezed and burned down the shed,
He’s still a hero — just mostly in his head!
---
🎶 [Chorus]
🎵
He’s Old Man Superman, flyin’ half blind,
Tights ridin’ up and he don’t mind.
Can't find his boots, but he’s still got the might,
Takes his Metamucil before he takes flight!
🎵
---
🎶 [Verse 3]
Flew to the bank to stop a robbery scene,
Landed in yoga class — mid downward dog routine.
Villains run now, but it ain’t from fear,
It’s that old man smell and the hearing aid’s loud buzzin’ in their ear!
---
🎶 [Verse 4]
The Daily Planet gave him a retirement plaque,
He thought it was kryptonite, threw it straight out the back.
Still talks to Lois like she’s sittin’ there,
In a La-Z-Boy chair with electric shock hair!
---
🎶 [Verse 5]
He zips up his suit with some duct tape flair,
Hangs upside down just to comb his hair.
Can’t catch crooks, but he catches the flu,
Still stronger than steel… but can’t open his stew!
---
🎶 [Bridge – Dramatic Build]
🎵
They say the cape’s all wrinkled, and the symbol's cracked,
But don’t count him out — he’s still got your back!
He may forget names and confuse a few planes,
But when duty calls… he’ll still board the train! (Even if it’s the wrong one!)
🎵
---
🎶 [Chorus – Repeat with More Energy]
🎵
He’s Old Man Superman, cranky but proud,
Mumbling 'bout aliens way too loud.
Still fights crime — just naps in between,
With Bengay breath and a vintage sheen!
🎵
---
🎸 [Outro – Spoken with Soft Guitar Fade-Out]
"Up, up, and aw— Wait, where are my glasses?
...Did someone see where I parked the Fortress?"
“And no, Batman, I don't need a life alert... yet.”
🦸♂️ [Coughs, adjusts cape, falls asleep mid-air.]
Robert Ramage 
