Drop Kick Me Jesus

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal post of life,

I swore I'd come home, not start drinkin' tonight.

Now I’m slurrin’ my words and I’m low on my cash,

With lipstick on my collar and a wife who might bash.

I’m prayin’ for mercy, or maybe a fight,

Drop kick me Jesus... and aim for the porch light!

Clock hit five and I hit the road,

Supposed to go home, that's what I was told.

But Ol' Joe’s Bar had a neon glow,

And my truck sorta steered itself, y'know?

Just one beer turned to maybe four,

Then a shot or two and I hit the floor.

Now I’m leanin’ on the jukebox, singin’ real loud,

While my phone keeps buzzin'—I ain't feelin' proud.

Stumbled to the truck, but I lost my keys,

Found ‘em by my boots right between my knees

Wallet’s gone, my card declined,

And my breath could start a fire—Lord, I crossed the line.

She’s waitin’ at home with a frying pan stare,

Probably practicin’ swings in her old recliner chair.

I’d fake a heart attack or hitch a ride with a priest,

But this hangdog cowboy’s headin’ home for the feast.

Lord, if you're listenin’, now’s the time,

Strike me down or help me climb,

Through that front door without a bruise,

Or maybe just let her hit snooze.

I’ll go to church, I’ll change my ways,

Just buy me a few more drunk-man days!

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal post of life,

Send me flying past the doghouse and my angry wife.

My boots are muddy, my pride took a hit,

And I smell like whiskey, regret, and bad grit.

If redemption’s a sofa, I’ll sleep there tonight,

Drop kick me Jesus... and turn off the porch light.