When the night gets loud

When the night gets loud and the house goes still
That is when the memories climb over the windowsill
That is when the doubts start pacing the floor
That is when the past knocks hard on my door
I hear every mistake like a voice in the dark
Every failure I carried still leaving its mark
I hear the man I was calling out my name
Trying to pull me back into the same old shame
And I sit in the quiet trying not to break
Trying to breathe through the choices I cannot unmake
And the silence around me feels heavy and deep
Like the kind that reminds me of secrets I keep

When the night gets loud
I feel the weight I hide
The fear that I will fall again
The storm I hold inside
But God keeps whispering softly
You are not alone right now
I am here in the shadows
Even when the night gets loud

My kids are sleeping down the hall unaware
Of the battles I fight in the midnight air
They do not know the war that lives in my chest
They just know Dad tries even when he is stressed
And I pray they never carry the wounds I keep
Pray they never learn pain the way mine runs deep
I pray they grow up knowing love without fear
Knowing a father who stayed and stayed near
But some nights I feel like I am losing the fight
Like the darkness is stronger than the man in the light
And I whisper a promise I hope I can keep
That I will rise again even when I feel weak

When the night gets loud
I feel the weight I hide
The fear that I will fall again
The storm I hold inside
But God keeps whispering softly
You are not alone right now
I am here in the shadows
Even when the night gets loud

I told God I am tired of the noise in my mind
Tired of running from things I cannot rewind
Tired of letting old wounds shape the man that I am
Tired of living like I am less than the strength that He planned
And He said give Me the pieces you are scared to reveal
Give Me the parts of your heart you do not think can heal
Give Me the weight you have carried for far too long
And I will show you that weakness is where I make you strong

So I sit in the dark with my hands open wide
Letting go of the things I kept buried inside
Letting go of the guilt that I wore like a chain
Letting go of the nights I drowned in my pain
And the room gets quiet in a way I can feel
Like the start of a moment where a man starts to heal
And maybe the night will still echo and roar
But it will not own me the way it did before
Because I am learning to trust what I cannot see
Learning that God still fights for a man like me
And each time the night rises I rise a bit too
Finding strength in the things I once could not do

When the night gets loud
I do not run or hide
I breathe and let God meet me
Right there on the inside
And the darkness loses power
When I speak His name out loud
Because even in the shadows
He is louder than the night gets loud

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