The man I used to be,
He still stares.. back at me.
A shadow in the mirror,
That I dont want to see.
He was built out of fear,
With the storms deep inside my chest.
The kind of man who ran,
when he should have just confessed.
He hid behind his anger,
because the pain felt worse.
He carried his silence,
like a lifelong curse.
He broke what he truly loved,
trying hard to protect.
Turned distance and pride,
into neglect & quiet regret.
I really truly hate him,
but I know him because he was me.
A version I lived with too long,
Before God set me free.
The man.. He someone I used to be..
The devil, he still whispers in my ear,
Still tells me I am not worthy of it all,
Still feeds on my fear..
But I am learning how to fight him..
Learning how to breathe,
Learning how to let God shape me!
My kids saw the worst of me before they truly saw my heart They saw the tired eyes that kept falling apart
They saw the short fuse not the love underneath
They saw a man drowning not the pain or the grief
They seen the chaos, the drugs, the cold calculated greed.. but I never meant to be distant never meant to be so cold Never meant to let my past take the things that I hold But trauma dont ask it just sits in your place
Till you stand up and face it and refuse to erase it
So Im trying to be gentle trying hard to stay positive
Trying to be the man & the father God has given me.
The man.. He someone I used to be..
The devil, he still whispers in my ear,
Still tells me I am not worthy of it all,
Still feeds on my fear..
But I am learning how to fight him..
Learning how to breathe,
Learning how to let God shape me!
I told God I was tired of the weight in my chest
Tired of breaking the things I was trusted to bless
Tired of letting my anger be the voice that they hear
Tired of living my life as a slave to my fear
And He said you dont need perfect you just need to be true Bring Me all that youre carrying and Ill carry you
So I laid down the guilt and the shame in my bones
Laid down the nights I felt lost and alone
And for once in my life I felt something like peace
Like the war in my spirit was starting to cease
The man I used to be
Still whispers in my ear
Still tells me Im not worthy
Still feeds on my fear
But Im learning how to fight him
Learning how to breathe
Learning how to let God shape me!
Now Im rebuilding slow brick by brick every day
Trying hard to be present trying hard not to stray
Trying to love without fear trying to speak without pain
Trying to break all the cycles carried down in my name
And maybe Im not the man that I hope I become
But Im not who I was and that counts for someone
Im choosing love over pride choosing truth over shame
Choosing God over darkness choosing growth over blame
The man I used to be
Still calls from the dark
Still tries to pull me backward
Still leaves his mark
But God is louder now
And grace is teaching me
How to bury who I was
And grow who I can be!
KoNg3