NOT IN MY DNA

my nightmares said I couldn’t do it

but it’s funny I dream big

I try to sleep and get no rest

I wake up another day pissed

I wake up another day passed

I pray to god this pain won’t last

but it’s here to stay

I don’t know what to say

except for the fact

that I’m tryna relax

but these demons are talking and yelling

I don’t know where to go

my hearts so cold

I’m walking this road every day on my own

I battle myself like I copied a clone

devil talking to me I just hang the phone up

as a kid I was scared to grow up

now I’m grown and I know why

I felt the way i felt

I have alot of problems you don’t know about

but I’m not special in any way

you and me were quite the same

we both battle

we’re both scared

we bleed the same and breathe the same air

so I should get up off my high chair

but I’m afraid to give in to nightmares

and face my demons they don’t fight fair

in a territory that is foreign

burnt ashes and no trees

black skys with grey clouds there’s no air so I can’t breathe

I look around and there’s nobody

just me and myself

I need a map cause I’ve been searching

I’ve been looking for my mental health

I can’t find it

I think that my demons have it

so I gotta kill em gotta choose violence

but in that sense they win

cause they want anger

they want danger

they want daggers

they want murder

they want violence

they want guns

they want this and they want that

they want my soul

they can’t have that

some days I’ll wake up and I’ll feel better

then a flashback hits my brain

and I try to dream this pain away but somehow it’s just always stays

maybe you can relate?

or I’m just insane

should I jump off of that cliff?

should I jump off of that bridge?

should I take a bath with the razor blades

and bleed out when I cut my wrist?

cause the way I feel I don’t have a choice

I do it for the kids that don’t have a voice

my self esteem has been self destroyed

who I want to be and who I am just can’t connect so I’ve been annoyed

I can’t slow down but I have to pace it

see the chance and I have to take it

Fake it til you make it but I’ll never fake it

I swear to god it’s not in my DNA

if I never sat down and looked at my life then I wouldn’t be the same

when you feel lost and you feel pain just realize we all feel this way

we’re only human and that’s just how it is

we all make mistakes, we’re all perfectionist

and that’s a contradiction

I’m addicted to battling competition

like it’s good for me

I stress a lot

like it’s a good thing

diamonds form under pressure so maybe that’s the reason we go through pain

I know that’s true but sometimes it gets so hard just to hold the weight

I can’t tell you how to live your life but if you want advice I’d say to pray

(Demonic voice talking)- you can run but you can’t hide from me, I will find you and drag you back down to hell, your soul is mine