NOT IN MY DNA

my nightmares said I couldn’t do it
but it’s funny I dream big 
I try to sleep and get no rest 
I wake up another day pissed

I wake up another day passed
I pray to god this pain won’t last 

but it’s here to stay 
I don’t know what to say 
except for the fact 
that I’m tryna relax

but these demons are talking and yelling 

I don’t know where to go 
my hearts so cold

I’m walking this road every day on my own

I battle myself like I copied a clone

devil talking to me I just hang the phone up

as a kid I was scared to grow up 

now I’m grown and I know why 
I felt the way i felt 

I have alot of problems you don’t know about

but I’m not special in any way
you and me were quite the same 

we both battle 
we’re both scared 
we bleed the same and breathe the same air

so I should get up off my high chair
but I’m afraid to give in to nightmares
and face my demons they don’t fight fair 

in a territory that is foreign 
burnt ashes and no trees 
black skys with grey clouds there’s no air so I can’t breathe
I look around and there’s nobody
just me and myself 
I need a map cause I’ve been searching 
I’ve been looking for my mental health 

I can’t find it 
I think that my demons have it 
so I gotta kill em gotta choose violence 

but in that sense they win
cause they want anger 
they want danger
they want daggers 
they want murder
they want violence 
they want guns 
they want this and they want that 
they want my soul
they can’t have that 

some days I’ll wake up and I’ll feel better 
then a flashback hits my brain
and I try to dream this pain away but somehow it’s just always stays

maybe you can relate?
or I’m just insane 

should I jump off of that cliff?
should I jump off of that bridge?
should I take a bath with the razor blades 
and bleed out when I cut my wrist?

cause the way I feel I don’t have a choice 
I do it for the kids that don’t have a voice 
my self esteem has been self destroyed 
who I want to be and who I am just can’t connect so I’ve been annoyed 

I can’t slow down but  I have to pace it 
see the chance and I have to take it
Fake it til you make it but I’ll never fake it 

I swear to god it’s not in my DNA
if I never sat down and looked at my life then I wouldn’t be the same

when you feel lost and you feel pain just realize we all feel this way 

we’re only human and that’s just how it is
we all make mistakes, we’re all perfectionist 
and that’s a contradiction 
I’m addicted to battling competition 
like it’s good for me
I stress a lot 
like it’s a good thing 
diamonds form under pressure so maybe that’s the reason we go through pain
I know that’s true but sometimes it gets so hard just to hold the weight 
I can’t tell you how to live your life but if you want advice I’d say to pray

(Demonic voice talking)- you can run but you can’t hide from me, I will find you and drag you back down to hell, your soul is mine 

Progressive, alternative metal core, male vocals