Times I Miss

I wasn’t giving up enough, but somehow you kept holding on,

Through every side of me that made you feel like you were doing wrong,

Tired of all the noises and all the voices in my head,

You were the only comfort when I couldn’t find my rest. You were the one who made me feel real,

First time in forever I remembered how to feel.

But the days we had were disappearing way too fast, And I was holding onto you, while also pushing you right past me…

I’m sorry for the pain that I put you through,

It all came out on someone who was loving me too true. Never could I control all the things I put on you,

You tried to work it out until there was nothing left for you to do. I didn’t want you leaving but I know you had your reasons, Sometimes loving somebody

Means accepting when they need their freedom.

But I still didn’t want you to go,

I wanted you right here.

I wanted one more night beside you,

I wanted one more year.

But you had to leave me,

And I had to finally see it,

If I never change the man I am,

This pain will just repeat instead,

So if somebody loves me again,

I won’t make her pay for who I’ve been.

I couldn’t change in time for you,

So I gotta change before I love again.

I was trying to save up some bread to build a better life with you, But what’s a future really worth

If I destroy what’s by my side as all I do is game that’s what I did all the time thats what was all on my mind, and You still gave me all your loving,

And I treated it like it would stay forever,

You kept accepting lies I was serving you,

While I kept trying to push you away curving you.

Now I’m sitting here alone,

Can’t take my mind off you.

Thinking of the things I said

And everything I put you through.

And maybe you’ll never come back,

That’s something I gotta face.

I can’t make another woman

Fill the emptiness you made.

But its what I did to you first and now

she doesn’t deserve my anger,

She doesn’t deserve my past.

She shouldn’t have to question

How long the good in me will last.

She doesn’t deserve the screaming,

Or feeling she’s not enough as you did before.

I gotta learn that loving someone

Is more than saying it’s just love.

I wish I learned it with you…

Gosh, I wish I learned it then.

But losing you became the reason

I refuse to do it again.

But I still didn’t want you to go,

I wanted you right here.

I wanted to hold you beside me

And make our ending disappear.

But you had to leave me,

And now I finally see it,

You leaving wasn’t what destroyed us,

It was everything that led you to leave.

So if somebody loves me again,

I’ll give her better than who I’ve been.

Its not replacing you, its not forgetting you,

Just fixing what I should’ve fixed back then.

Maybe our forever wasn’t meant to last…

Maybe you were the love

That made me create a past.

Cuz I never wanted you to leave…

But you had to.

And I needed you to…

So I never make somebody feel

The way I made you.