Mistakes n Misses

I’ve been in a drought for so long…

I don’t think I can keep going out anymore…

Battle scars all on my soul,

Demons at my door, they know…

Im asking please don’t put me in the ground,

I’m still here, but I’m just breaking down.

I’m tired of thinking how I left things,

Can’t go back to what I called memories.

Going through my head like a madman,

Looking at the life that I once had.

I don’t even know if someone would love me,

I don’t even know if someone would love meeee…

I couldn’t give you everything but damn well would try heavily that I can’t even give myself what I need.

Like I’ve given up, but somehow I’m here,

Looking at the same four walls all year.

Waking up gets harder every day,

Some mornings I don’t wanna leave this bed.

Clouds in my mind n trauma in my head,

I Know what’s wrong but I can’t fix it yet.

Everybody says that time will heal,

But they don’t know how this really feels.

I can’t go out like I used to,

Can’t run back to the life that I knew.

Everybody moving, and I’m just trying to stand on up still, Trying to accept what I never will.

I don’t feel the same by myself anymore,

Watching my old life through a closed door.

I’m still breathing, but tell me what for?

I don’t feel like me anymore…

Time keeps moving, I’m kneeling,

Praying for something new, can’t I imagine?

I’m tired of carrying all of this weight,

Trying not to let these feelings decide my fate.

There’s places that I wanna see,

People outside still waiting on me,

But sometimes I hate when they look my way,

’Cause I know they remember the old me.

And I know I can’t leave him out,

There’s still nights when I need him around.

Thinking of the past is where I see him proud,

Sometimes I wish that I could reach to him but how.

Cuz I’ve moved on and he’s stayed behind,

I hope to be someone new, but feels like I already lost my life. Cuz I’ve made it that way and I also getting a helping hand at it, cuz i don’t know if my family doesn’t know how to get me outta of it or if it’s something they used to and was ready for, it’s hard to not give off a trusting no one impression or I don’t care expression cuz I’ve Made my mistakes and live with my depression.

Don’t know if I can sleep anymore,

Dreaming I can walk right through that door.

In my dreams I’m running to who?

Then I wake up and it isn’t true.

God, I miss who I used to be,

Before this chair became part of me.

I know I’m here, I know I survived,

But some days surviving don’t feel like a life.

I can’t go out like I used to,

Can’t chase the nights that I once knew.

Friends keep moving and seasons change,

I’m looking in the mirror feeling strange.

I don’t feel the same by myself anymore,

Part of me is somewhere before.

Maybe someday I’ll find me again,

But most days I don’t know who I am.

I’ve said what I said…

Only if I’ll listen to me…

I miss my old life…

I miss the old me…

But I’m still here…

But Goodbye…

Who I used to be.