[Intro]
I ain’t lost…
I just don’t know where I am.
[Verse 1]
My buddy said, “Take forty west
Then head due south from there”
I nodded like I understood
Then drove off on a prayer
He said, “You’ll see it northeast
About a mile past the sign”
I said, “Stop. Is that before McDonald’s?
And is it left or right?”
[Pre-Chorus]
Don’t give me coordinates
Don’t point up at the sun
Give me something with a drive-thru
And tell me where to turn
[Chorus]
Don’t tell me north, don’t tell me west
Tell me left or right and I’ll do my best
Turn at McDonald’s, pass the Texaco sign
Give me landmarks, baby, and I’ll get there fine
Don’t say southeast, don’t say “bear right”
Say “pass the Walmart, then turn at the light”
You can keep your compass, I’ll be all right
JUST TELL ME LEFT!
OR TELL ME RIGHT!
[Verse 2]
My GPS said, “Head east now”
I said, “Which damn way is east?”
So I picked one, drove a quarter mile
She sighed and spoke to me
“Recalculating…”
Yeah, yeah, I know, Suzanne
“Make a legal U-turn”
I’M TURNING WHEN I CAN!
You said, “You cannot miss it”
Well, buddy, watch me go
I missed the church, the water tower
And somehow crossed to Ohio
[Pre-Chorus]
Don’t tell me “five hundred feet”
I don’t drive with a ruler
Say “second light, beside the bank”
See? Now we’re getting somewhere
[Chorus]
Don’t tell me north, don’t tell me west
Tell me left or right and I’ll do my best
Turn at McDonald’s, pass the Texaco sign
Give me landmarks, baby, and I’ll get there fine
Don’t say southeast, don’t say “bear right”
Say “pass the Walmart, then turn at the light”
You can keep your compass, I’ll be all right
JUST TELL ME LEFT!
OR TELL ME RIGHT!
[Bridge]
“Recalculating…”
I KNOW.
“Recalculating…”
I HEARD YOU.
“At the roundabout, take the third exit—”
THE THIRD?!
I’M STILL COUNTING THE FIRST TWO!
“Make a legal U-turn.”
I CAN’T, THERE’S A BRIDGE!
“Turn right.”
RIGHT?! THAT’S THE RIVER!
“Recalculating…”
YOU JUST TRIED TO KILL ME!
[Breakdown]
Left means left
Right means right
McDonald’s means
TURN AT THE LIGHT!
North means nothing
West means less
And “bear to the southeast”
Is anybody’s guess!
“Recalculating…”
…homicidal little bitch.
[Final Chorus]
DON’T TELL ME NORTH! DON’T TELL ME WEST!
TELL ME LEFT OR RIGHT AND I’LL DO MY BEST!
Turn at McDonald’s, pass the Texaco sign
Give me landmarks, baby, and I’ll get there fine
Don’t say southeast, don’t say “bear right”
Say “pass the Walmart, then turn at the light”
You can keep your compass, I’ll be all right
JUST TELL ME LEFT!
OR TELL ME RIGHT!
[Outro]
“You have arrived.”
…Where?
“Recalculating…”
OH, COME ON!
Brigids_Hearth
