Do Not Feed Them Tea

[Verse 1]
Old Nora says don’t feed them tea
They’ll stay all night and never leave
Widow May says tea is fine
Just never let them borrow twine
The baker says they curse your bread
The smith says milk must go instead
Every soul in Bally Glen
Has rules for little woodland men

[Gremlin Aside]
Moss: “Tea again? They blame everything on tea.”
Thistle: “Which makes it the perfect cover.”
Moss: “Don’t. It smells like wet hedge trimmings and bad decisions.”

[Pre-Chorus]
From chimney pots to orchard trees
The warnings float upon the breeze
And hidden where the rafters meet
Two tiny listeners kick their feet

[Chorus]
Don’t feed them tea
Don’t lend them spoons
Don’t whistle after half past noon
Don’t leave red ribbons in the rain
Don’t let the geese learn your name
Don’t say thank you
Don’t say please
Don’t speak of them on windy eves
Nobody knows what’s false or true
But nobody wants angry gremlins too

[Verse 2]
Beneath an oak by Root-Hill Lane
Moss kept jars of strawberry jam
Thistle rode a saddled mouse
And tracked pie scents from house to house
They laughed to hear the villagers say
What gremlins loved and what they’d hate
Half the rules they’d never heard
The other half were quite absurd

[Gremlin Aside]
Thistle: “We do like pie.”
Moss: “Please stop volunteering evidence.”

[Pre-Chorus]
Old tales grow tall as ivy climbs
And change a little every time
Yet every rule the villagers keep
Makes both gremlins shake and wheeze

[Chorus]
Don’t feed them tea
Don’t lend them spoons
Don’t whistle after half past noon
Don’t hang blue laundry after dark
Don’t leave fresh cake upon the cart
Don’t slam the gate
Don’t count to three
Don’t hum while stirring elder tea
Nobody knows what’s false or true
But nobody wants angry gremlins too

[Bridge]
Now I don’t believe these stories
That’s what I tell the town
No tiny feet in pantry shelves
No gremlins sneaking round

No vanished keys
No missing socks
No laughter in the wall

[Gremlin Aside]
Moss: “Move the keys. Nothing expensive.”

[Gremlin Aside]
Thistle: “I’m arranging them by dramatic impact.”

Well…
That wasn’t there before at all…

[Final Chorus]
Don’t feed them tea
Don’t lend them spoons
Don’t whistle after half past noon
Don’t leave pie cooling by the door
Or they may come back asking more
Don’t trust the tales
Don’t trust the clues
The gremlins make them up there too
Nobody knows who started who
The tales or gremlins passing through

[Outro]
High in the rafters, out of sight
Moss laughed till he cried
Thistle rolled across the beam
And nearly took a dive

“Tomorrow?”

“Hide the shoes.”

“Just the left ones?”

…

“No.”

“Every single shoe.”

“And then?”

“Strawberry jam.”