“Broken Dreams and Furniture (Thorten Lied Remix)”
By: Joe (who never forgave dispatch)
(Genre: Country Rock Wreckage Ballad — now with more lawsuits and drywall damage)
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[Verse 1 – Joe (already fed up)]
I showed up late to a crew from hell,
The truck smelled like weed and Taco Bell.
Thorten was drivin’, one eye half shut,
Said “You take lead,” then lit a Newport butt.
Shane 2 asked, “Are we gettin’ tips?”
Then broke a table just touchin’ the lips.
Kevin dropped a nightstand on his own foot,
And Calen brought his Xbox, said, “I ain’t liftin’ wood.”
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[Chorus – All Voices (chaotic harmony)]
Broken dreams and furniture fallin’,
Client’s screamin’, dispatch stallin’.
Couch split in half like a sandwich bite,
Glen packed a lamp with a bag of ice.
TV cracked, frame snapped clean,
And X just stood there textin’ someone named “Queen.”
Thorten’s yellin’, throwin’ straps in the air—
Then swung on the client for “lookin’ at him weird.”
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[Verse 2 – Joe (relivin’ the trauma)]
The client said, “Hey, please wrap that tight,”
Thorten snapped back, “You wanna fight?!”
Next thing you know he shoved the dude’s chest,
Glen dropped a vase and blamed his vest.
Customer yelled, “I’m callin’ the cops!”
So Thorten said, “Boys, we makin’ a stop.”
He jumped in the truck, peeled out fast,
Left five pads and a broken glass bass.
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[Bridge – Kevin (tryin’ to keep it cool)]
I said, “We can’t just leave this scene!”
But Thorten said, “Kurt don’t ask what he ain’t seen.”
Called him up, said, “Yeah they canceled, bro,”
“Client moved the date, we good to go.”
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[Verse 3 – Calen (from the backseat)]
I was playin’ COD in the back of the cab,
While Glen sat cryin’ with a busted slab.
Kevin smoked out the last clean pad,
And Shane 2 slept through everything bad.
We left the job mid-chaos and theft,
Furniture snapped, only two legs left.
Thorten yellin’ “We did our best!”
As we ran from a client clutchin’ his chest.
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[Final Chorus – All Voices (full-blown disaster energy)]
Broken dreams and lawsuits brewin’,
Dispatch askin’, “What the hell y’all doin’?!”
We left a mattress in the flowerbed,
And Glen packed a toaster on a client’s head.
That house looked like a hurricane passed,
All ‘cause Thorten couldn’t take feedback fast.
Then he lied to Kurt like it’s all routine…
Now we banned from every zip code in between.
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[Outro – Joe (on the edge)]
So if they ask you to roll with X and crew,
Just grab your vest and fake the flu.
’Cause broken dreams and shattered oak…
Don’t belong in a 26-foot joke.
KennyT69
