“Twister Dispatch”
By: The Square Cow Crew
(Genre: Fast-paced outlaw country meets storm chasin’ comedy — think Johnny Cash meets Twister with a clipboard)
⸻
[Verse 1 – Joe (shouting over wind)]
Sky turned green, trees bent low,
Sirens wailin’, power gone slow.
Dillon yellin’, “That cloud got teeth!”
I said, “Bro, that’s a demon rollin’ down the street!”
Trailer homes flyin’, roofs in the air,
Cows screamin’ past like a cartoon nightmare.
We huddled in the truck, beggin’ for fate—
Then Kurt called twice sayin’, “Y’all runnin’ late?”
⸻
[Chorus – All (yellin’ into the wind)]
There’s an F-5 tearin’ up the DFW zone!
But Kurt still textin’ “Y’all on your way home?”
We got hail the size of a dinner plate,
But he say, “That ain’t no excuse to be late.”
Said, “It’s just wind, strap the fridge down tight!”
Bruh, the client’s gone and the house took flight!
Tornado’s spinnin’, but he won’t budge—
Kurt still actin’ like he God’s lil’ judge.
⸻
[Verse 2 – Dillon (furious)]
I said “Kurt, the map shows RED and FLAMES,”
He said “Use reroute, weather’s just games.”
Tree hit the cab, I’m bleedin’ from glass,
He said “Get a Band-Aid and move that ass!”
House we was movin’? Gone like dreams,
Packed into the sky with kitchen beams.
Kurt said, “That’s no reason to call it off,”
Like I’m ‘posed to wrap a couch mid-dust-off.
⸻
[Bridge – Paul (from under a tarp)]
We got sucked in once, came back out,
Truck did a cartwheel and landed south.
Joe’s got a splinter in his damn spleen,
And Kurt just texted, “Make it clean.”
⸻
[Chorus – All (half alive, fully pissed)]
It’s an F-5 wreckin’ all of North Texas!
But Kurt still hollerin’ “Finish the checklist!”
Dispatch offline, GPS lost,
But he want us loadin’ like nothin’s been tossed.
“It’s just weather,” he said on the call,
As a trampoline flew through a bank wall.
Nature’s screamin’, death’s outside…
But Kurt said “ETA?” with corporate pride.
⸻
[Final Verse – Joe (dead serious)]
So if I die in this storm today,
Tell dispatch I went out the Square Cow way.
Tryna lift a dresser through a black hole sky,
While my manager says “Nice try.”
Put “he clocked in” on my grave in stone,
With a note that reads, “Kurt called my phone.”
And when y’all ask, “Why didn’t they run?”
Just say:
“Kurt needed the job done.”
⸻
[Outro – All (tornado howlin’, truck in reverse)]
Tornado’s here, and we fightin’ for breath…
But Kurt said, “Wrap that lamp or face your death.”
KennyT69
