[Spoken Intro – High Voice]
Mama told me…
“Son, one day you gon’ get so baked you’ll forget where the floor is.”
I said “Mama… I already am.”
Then I ate a shoe.[Verse 1 – Rap]
Mama said, “Son, don’t be a dummy,
Put down the axe and roll the gummy.
Don’t chase girls who hate your funk,
Find one who laughs when you pee in the trunk.”
“Keep your weed in a pickle jar,
And don’t drive high in a shopping cart.
Stay away from folks who say,
‘You can’t get high off Frito Lay.’”
[Chorus – Singing w/ Stupid Harmony]
I’m a simple blunt…
Dumb as hell and high for fun.
Woke up naked in a Taco Bell,
Tried to buy weed from a nun.
Yeah, I’m a simple blunt…
Tied my shoes to my cinnamon bun.
Life’s too short to care or run,
So I moonwalked straight into the sun.
[Verse 2 – Muck Sticky Style]
Bought a pet rock, named it Snoop,
We hotboxed in a chicken coop.
Got so high I fought my pants,
Then married ‘em in a Fortnite dance.
Mama said, “Boy, you need direction!”
So I downloaded Maps on my own reflection.
Got arrested for sniffin’ glue,
Turns out it was a Waffle too.
[Chorus – Faster, Stupider]
I’m a simple blunt…
Put ketchup on my weed and dunk.
Tried to fly with a pizza box,
Now I live inside a trunk.
Yeah, I’m a simple blunt…
High as balls and dumb as funk.
Took a nap in a port-a-potty,
Woke up in a funk band dunk tank.
[Bridge – Spoken Interlude, Echoing Reverb]
Yo… I ain’t sayin’ I’m smart.
But I once argued with a stop sign… and lost.
I microwaved a salad… for two hours.
This is my journey… of being stupidly lit.
[Final Chorus – Opera Voice]
I’m a siiiiimple bluuuuunt!!!
Got kicked outta Costco just for grunts!
I vape crayons and I eat trees,
Tried to snort Doritos for the cheese.
Be a siiiiimple bluuuuunt!!!
Do dumb things, and always stunt.
If life gives you lemons, eat a lime,
Then forget your name and rhyme!
[Outro – Whispered Weirdly]
Live high.
Die fried.
Stay weird.
And never trust a ferret in sunglasses
daddypineapple
