Pipe Dreams

“Pipe Dreams (The Ballad of Broke-A Conner)”**

By: Square Cow Legends

(Genre: Country tragedy meets comedy chaos — think Johnny Cash meets South Park)

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Conner got fired on a Tuesday morn,

Kurt said, “Pack it up, this cow’s been warned.”

No tips, no gas, just a cardboard box,

Now he sleepin’ in a van behind the Redbox.

Tried to door dash, but he crashed the app,

Tried to pawn his boots, but they smelled like crap.

Then a man rolled by in a lifted ride,

**Said, “You ever lay pipe?” and Conner sighed…

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Now he layin’ pipe just to pay the rent,

Mutterin’ “Square Cow” with every cent.

Not plumber work, not utility line—

We talkin’ pipe work of a different kind.

From full-stack broke to full-stack pain,

Conner out here dancin’ in the rain.

Lost his badge, now he found his beat—

Movin’ no boxes, but he stay on his feet.

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We saw him at the truck stop wearin’ shades,

Said “Y’all need help?” in mysterious ways.

Had a fanny pack full of mysterious tools,

And a sticker on his belt that read “Pipe Rules.”

Kurt said, “I warned him, that boy too wild,”

Now he moonwalkin’ in dirt with a crooked smile.

Used to load dressers with a wrap so tight,

Now he whisperin’ “You pipein’?” under neon light.

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Mi tell him, “Conner, yuh gone too far,”

But him say, “Broke boys can’t drive car.”

Mi cry one tear for di dolly king…

Now him spin pole like it’s loadin’ spring.

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So if you get fired, keep your pride intact,

Don’t end up like Conner on the wrong damn track.

He used to stack pads and lead the crew—

Now he stack regret and super glue.

He lost his vest, lost his way—

But boy still clock in, just gets paid… strange.

Square Cow’s gone, but he ain’t done—

He layin’ that pipe ‘til the break of sun.