Verse 1
There’s a man in this town with a phone in his hand,
Savin’ kittens by day, pourin’ drinks on command.
Name’s Travis Wagner, better learn it well—
He’s half rockstar, half Golden Girls show-and-tell.
Yeah, he’ll rescue a cat from a tree or a shed,
Then sit down at the bar quoting lines from Blanche’s bed.
He’s a legend in denim, chaos with flair,
And his ringtone is simply Betty White’s laugh in the air.
Chorus
He’s WAGNER OF THE WILD—
Cat hero, bar slinger, and chaos child.
Playing phone games like he’s storming a throne,
Making more cash than your student loans.
Raise your glass, lift your paws—
He’s the dude who rewrites nature’s laws.
When the Golden Girls theme starts blastin’ loud…
You know Travis just entered the crowd.
Verse 2
At the Boathouse bar he’s the king of the pour,
He’ll hand you a beer, then rescue three cats out the door.
Boss says, “Travis, focus!” but he’s already gone,
Chasing a stray with a net and a headlamp on.
Patrons cheer him on, yelling, “Get that cat!”
Then he’s back in ten minutes like, “Yeah, nailed that.”
And while most folks gamble at casinos of shame,
This man pays his rent with a PHONE GAME.
Chorus
He’s WAGNER OF THE WILD—
Cat hero, bar slinger, and chaos child.
Playing phone games like royalty grown,
Earning side cash from a digital throne.
Raise your glass, lift your paws—
He breaks physics and community laws.
When you hear “Thank you for bein’ a friend”…
That’s Travis entering again.
Bridge
Yeah, he’s got claws on his hoodie, and cat hair on his drink,
A smirk on his face like he’s two moves ahead of what you think.
If the universe had a “weirdo champion” crown—
Travis would win it, then sell it for gems in his phone game account.
Verse 3
He once saved six kittens mid-bartending shift,
Didn’t spill a drop—man’s got supernatural gift.
Then he sat on a stool watching Dorothy Zbornak sass,
Laughing so hard he nearly fell on his—
(Classic rock solo interrupts here.)
Final Chorus
He’s WAGNER OF THE WILD—
Fearless, flawless, beautifully styled.
Cat rescuer, gamer, bartender supreme,
Living that Golden Girls fever dream.
So raise your drinks, raise your claws,
Toast the legend that breaks all laws.
Travis Wagner—long may he reign…
On the bar… and in the cat domain.
TboneBeastMode
