Still Here, Still Lost

4:30, alarm screaming,

Dark room, don’t wanna move.

Staring at the ceiling thinking,

“What am I supposed to do?”

Feet hit the floor, work face on,

I ain’t strong, I just carry on.

Radio low on the drive to work,

Cold coffee hiding what really hurts.

Park the car, breathe for a minute,

“Get up, man, just get through it.”

Walk through the door like nothing’s wrong,

Say “Morning” and keep moving along.

They laugh, so I laugh too,

“How you doing?” “I’m good, you?”

Same old answer, same disguise,

Nobody looks behind my eyes.

I’m still here, still lost,

Showing up no matter what it costs.

People all around me,

Still nobody feels close.

I’m talking, I’m laughing,

Doing what I’m supposed to do.

Everybody sees me working—

Nobody sees what I’m working through.

I clock in with my demons,

Clock out with ‘em too.

They see the smile I’m wearing,

But they don’t see the truth.

Lunch break, crowded table,

Jokes flying, everybody’s stable.

I’m staring down at my phone,

Surrounded, but somehow alone.

Somebody calls my name,

I snap back into place,

Put another borrowed smile

Across my tired face.

I wanna say, “I don’t feel like me,”

But would they understand what I mean?

So I tell ‘em, “I’m tired, that’s all,”

Another brick inside the wall.

Body at work, mind far away,

Just trying to survive another day.

Everybody thinks I’m living—

I’m just trying to feel alive.

One night alone in the parking lot,

Engine off, keys in my hand.

Everybody already went home,

But somehow I still can’t.

Looking at myself in the mirror,

“Another day survived.”

Got so damn good at existing,

Forgot how it feels to be alive.

Maybe tomorrow won’t fix me.

Maybe tomorrow still hurts.

Maybe I’ll still feel invisible

When I walk back into work.

I’m still here, still lost,

Carrying more than anybody knows.

Standing in a room full of people,

Still feeling like a ghost.

Maybe I’m misunderstood,

Maybe I got tired of explaining.

I don’t need somebody fixing me—

I just need someone who’ll stay and listen.

So when that alarm starts screaming,

I’ll put my feet down again.

Not because I know where I’m going—

I just know this ain’t the end.

Same road.

Same job.

Same smile I keep showing.

I don’t know where I’m going…

But I’m still going.