Smiling With My Demons

Alarm goes off, another sleepless night,

I stare into the mirror, practice looking alright.

Put on that smile like a uniform again,

Hide the war in my chest underneath my skin.

They say, “How you doing?” I say, “Man, I’m good,”

Like I’ve said it so much I almost wish I could

Believe every word that falls out of my mouth,

But the second I’m alone, all the demons come out.

I learned how to laugh when I’m falling apart,

How to shake somebody’s hand with a hole in my heart.

Everybody sees me standing tall,

Nobody sees what happens when the curtains fall.

I’m alone with my demons when the lights go low,

Having conversations nobody will ever know.

Fake smiles, fake feelings, “Yeah, I’m doing fine,”

While a thousand broken memories are running through my mind.

I can stand in a room with a hundred friends

And still feel like I’m somewhere they’ve never been.

So I smile for the world till I’m home again,

Then it’s me, four walls, and my demons.

I show up every day, play the part they expect,

Give everybody love while I’m starving for respect.

I listen to their problems, tell ’em they’ll be okay,

Then swallow all of mine and carry on with my day.

Funny how the strongest gets forgotten sometimes,

Everybody needs your shoulder, nobody asks about mine.

So I learned to keep quiet, let the silence speak,

’Cause saying “I need somebody” feels too much like being weak.

And maybe I don’t need somebody to save me,

Maybe I just need somebody who can face me

When the smile disappears and my eyes tell the truth,

And say, “You don’t gotta perform—I’m staying with you.”

No fake love. No pretending.

No disappearing when the good days end.

Just someone who can sit inside the dark

Without being scared of my wounded heart.

’Cause I’m tired of my demons knowing me best,

Tired of smiling with a storm inside my chest.

Tired of saying “I’m good” when I’m barely getting by,

Tired of making everybody laugh so they don’t see me cry.

But tomorrow I’ll get up, put that same smile on,

Walk into the world like nothing is wrong.

And nobody will know what happened again—

Another midnight spent

With four walls…

And my demons.