Fuck this pain

Every damn day it’s another new story,

Another excuse wrapped up pretty for me.

You swear on us, swear on the kids, swear on love,

Then disappear for hours while I’m stuck thinkin’ of

Who’s got your attention now?

Who you entertainin’?

Why your energy changed?

Why your voice sound different?

I can feel when shit ain’t right in my soul,

And lately every conversation feels cold.

You got me sittin’ here questionin’ everything said,

Replayin’ every lie till it circles my head.

I’m tired of lookin’ stupid while defendin’ your name,

Tired of cryin’ so hard I can’t recognize my face.

You act like I’m crazy for feelin’ betrayed,

But pain don’t appear outta nowhere, it gets made.

And I’m fed the fuck up.

Fed up with the lies, fed up with the games,

Fed up hearin’ “I love you” while you move strange.

I’m exhausted from beggin’ for honesty,

While you keep handin’ me half-truths and apologies.

You got me feelin’ played every god damn day,

Like I’m just somebody easy to betray.

And the worst part?

I still love you through all this damage inside me.

I carried your absence like bricks on my back,

Held this family together while mentally cracked.

And instead of peace, I get secrets and tension,

Your words don’t match your effort or attention.

I know what distance feels like.

I know when somebody’s pullin’ away.

I know when love starts sounding rehearsed,

When somebody stops caring what their actions say.

You got me overthinkin’ at 3 in the morning,

Heart racin’, stomach droppin’, intuition warnin’.

Wonderin’ who’s got pieces of you

While I’m over here drowning trying to hold onto the truth.

I don’t wanna hear promises anymore.

I want consistency.

Transparency.

Respect.

Cause this constant confusion is killing what’s left.

I’m fed the fuck up of feelin’ disposable,

Of loving somebody who’s become so unreachable.

Fed up with crying over things you deny,

When my gut keeps screaming there’s more behind your lies.

And if you really love me like you claim you do,

Then stop making me feel replaceable to you.

Cause I’m reaching the point where heartbreak turns numb…

And numbness don’t always come back from. 🖤