Turtle Head

It was a normal night, I was with the boys

We were talking about Pokémon, specifically Blastoise

Kevin said it was his favorite, I said it was a interesting choice

Then I felt this pain in my stomach

Something was coming and it is cosmic

I was astonished

Oh god…

I HAVE TO SHIT

OH FUCK

I HAVE TO SHIT OUT MY ASS

OH NO

I FEEL A TURTLE HEAD POKING OUT

I don’t want to cut Brett off so I let him speak

But a bathroom is what I seek

My asshole is starting to shreek

Just calm down and breathe

God I hope there’s a break in this conversation

Because I need to use the poo station

Oh god…

I HAVE TO SHIT…

SO FUCKING BAD

I HAVE TO SHIT OUT MY ASS

GOD IT HURTS

I FEEL A TURTLE HEAD POKING OUT

Finally there’s a pause and I say I’ll be right tobacco

I speed walk to the bathroom clenching my asshole

I get there and all the stalls are full

I’m pacing back and fourth

I thought I might to have to use a urinal for sure

I’m knocking door to door

Knock knock…

I hear they’re all on Tick Tock

Knock knock…

I’m about to break the sheet rock

Knock knock…

I’M GOING TO BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN

SCREAMING

oh god…

I HAVE TO SHIT…

OPEN THE DOOR…

I HAVE TO SHIT OUT MY ASS…

GET OFF YOUR PHONE

I FEEL A TURTLE HEAD POKING OUT

They ignored my crys

I felt like I was going to die

So then I sigh

I know what must be done

I hope after this I won’t be shuned

I know the workers will be stunned

I have to shit in the urinal

And so I shat

Then with that

I no longer have to shit