The Grifter Man (Have Grift, Will Travel)

He came online with his original lie,

Talkin’ ‘bout a plane that they zapped outta the sky.

Said he cracked the science, he solved the case,

But he can’t even tell his ass from his face.

A plane up and disappeared - hearts were broke,

But to Ashton it’s always been just a sick, sick joke.

Two hundred thirty-nine souls, never came home,

But Tray saw an opening and carved out a throne.

Now he’s talkin’ ‘bout science and magic plasma orbs,

Actin’ like a modern day Tesla, but is dumb as a door.

Fake-ass physics, self-taught pride,

Built his whole life on a wreck and a lie.

He ain’t got shame, just a livestream plan —

Lord, have mercy on the ginger Grifter Man.

Fancies himself a genius, a truth-seein’ sage,

But can’t do math past the fourth-grade page.

Talks about vectors, but can’t draw a line,

Claims he’s got “proof,” but he’ll share it some other time.

He says he knows quantum mechanics - yeah, he really says it,

But it’s all just sci-fi, scraped off four chan and Reddit.

A thousand hours of YouTube lore,

Can’t tell a ping ring from a damn screen door.

Now he’s screamin’ ‘bout nukes in the And a Man Sea,

That plot twist came as a shock - even to me.

Changing up his theory nearly every other day,

But he’ll sell you over unity, so long as you sign an N D A.

He don’t want facts, just a cult and a brand —

All rise, y’all, for this sad, little Grifter Man.

He’ll say Sierra Nevada knows where the orbs were sent,

By some deep state force with malicious intent.

But he’s just a sad, manic boy screamin’ at fate,

Tryna turn M H three seventy heartbreak into clickbait.

Ashton’s way off his rocker - at least that’s the way it seems,

Now he’s beggin’ online strangers to believe his bullshit dreams.

Burned every bridge, played every card,

Even stalks the folks who call him a fraud.

He’ll twist your words, to spin his tale,

But when you press too hard, he blocks and bails.

He ain’t no hero, he ain’t no sleuth —

He’s just a little ginger boy who’s allergic to truth.

Now he’s sellin’ merch and fake free energy,

With cult fanboys shoutin’ “Ashton, set us free!”

But that plane don’t rise with your Reddit thread,

And your “secrets” ain’t justice for the dead.

You can scream on Twitter, make your stand —

But you’ll always be that sad, little Grifter Man.

So here’s to the folks still lookin’ for peace,

Not chasin’ ghosts or conspiracy tweets.

Tray took their pain and made his brand,

But time don’t lie, and karma’s got hands.

We’ll light a candle, while you run your scam —

Forever lost, forever pathetic - that Grifter Man.