Between your teeth

My boyfriend kisses me like he’s scared I’ll disappear,

Hands warm against my skin, voice soft against my ears.

And I love him — God, I do — in every honest way,

But there’s a different kind of ache that doesn’t fade.

Cause she walks into the room and all the air shifts,

Laughing like she doesn’t know what it does to me.

And I keep my hands to myself like it’s survival,

Like wanting her quietly is some kind of mercy.

I tell myself it’s harmless,

Just a thought I’ll never feed.

But her name keeps burning holes

Straight through my sleep.

And it’s killing me slowly,

The way she looks at me like home,

While I lie beside somebody

Who loves me with his whole soul.

I trace constellations on his back

While wishing they led to her instead.

And every “I love you” tastes bittersweet

Caught somewhere between my heart and my teeth.

She leans her head against my shoulder in the car,

Talking about some girl she thinks is beautiful and smart.

And I joke, I smile, I keep my breathing steady,

Like my chest isn’t collapsing already.

My boyfriend tells me I’m the best thing in his life,

And guilt crawls underneath my ribs every night.

Cause he deserves a love untouched by hesitation,

Not somebody splitting themselves between devotion and temptation.

And maybe if I bury it deep enough,

It’ll finally die.

But every time she says my name,

Something comes alive.

And it’s killing me slowly,

The way she feels just out of reach,

Like a song I was never meant to sing

No matter how it lives in me.

I hold him close with shaking hands

While dreaming of her in the dark instead.

And every “I love you” tastes incomplete

Caught somewhere between my heart and my teeth.

Maybe in another life

I would’ve met her first.

Maybe then this wouldn’t feel

So beautiful and cursed.

But in this one,

I keep choosing silence,

Even when it tears me apart.

So I’ll keep loving him gently,

Cause none of this is his fault.

And I’ll keep pretending her smile

Doesn’t undo every wall.

Maybe some people are meant to stay unfinished,

Half-written stories never meant to end.

But God… when she looks at me sometimes,

I swear the whole world almost makes sense.

Then she leaves,

And I remember

She was never mine to begin with.