Photos hurt too

I found a picture from when I was fifteen

Black hoodie, tired eyes, bedroom light dim

And I swear I can still remember exactly

How heavy the air felt back then

Back when surviving felt romantic

Like pain made me somebody deep

Now I drink coffee in the morning sun

And actually get enough sleep

But sometimes I stare too long

At the girl I used to be

‘Cause she understood every sad song perfectly

Cried in supermarket parking lots at 3AM

Thought growing up meant disappearing quietly

And honestly, some part of me still misses her

Not the breakdowns

Not the ache

Just the certainty of knowing why I hurt that way

Now I’m healing

And it’s strange

To miss a girl who almost didn’t stay

My friends say I laugh different lately

Like there’s finally air inside my chest

And I know that’s supposed to mean I made it

But why does peace still feel incorrect?

I spent years introducing myself

As somebody barely holding on

Now I don’t know what to call myself

Without the sadness I built my life on

Healing never looked heroic

Just unbearably quiet

And nobody writes about this part honestly

The emptiness that comes after survival ends

When your whole identity was stitched together

From panic attacks and almosts and pretend

And I know I should be grateful

I know I should move on

But sometimes I miss the girl in my old photos

Because she knew exactly who she was

I wonder if she’d recognize me now

Standing in clean rooms with open curtains

Not shaking, not sinking, not begging God

To make it stop hurting

I think she’d call me lucky

I think she’d call me brave

I think she’d be shocked to find out

We both survived those days

So here’s to the girl in my old photos

The one who carried pain like second skin

You made it farther than you ever thought you would

Even if you never believed you’d win

And maybe healing isn’t losing yourself

Maybe it’s finally meeting who you were beneath it

Maybe peace feels empty right now

Because your heart’s still learning how to live in it