February 14th

It's was February 14th I was 17 when I got the news

You had less then 6 months to live and I ain't know what the fuck to do

I just ran too my room crying cause you been taking care of me since 3 years out of the womb

Like God why does it gotta be you

You're the best man ever knew

Why does he gotta send you to heaven gates so soon

You ain't even my blood , you saw me as yo son

So yo death is stickin to my brain like glue LIKE FUCK

Started a gofund me for chemo to try to avoid the inevitable

But its like as soon as we did yo health went critical

2 months later I'm sitting at yo deathbed I dont even know if you can hear me

Made sure everyone was asleep cause I needed that privacy

Can't let my brother and sisters see the pain inside of me

I went so numb I ain't even cry at your funeral

Cause I couldn't even make you proud and that's all I wanted to do

You was a man who through yo life away for 5 kids

Workin overtime every FUKIN weekend so we could live

You were truly the hero in my life and I wanted to see you again

So I tried to hang my neck from a tree

But that branch couldn't hold me

Thats when I just layed there and looked at the sky cause I knew you was watching over me

Then I realized I actually never see you again cause hells where I'll prolly be

If you could see me now you'd be so disappointed

I went the opposite way of what you wanted , turned to drugs and bub cause it was the only thing that could sooth the pain that I was holdin

Started Pickin up them cigarettes so maybe I could go out the same way you did, go to the same place you did, depend on it for a quick fix just like you did

I promise you Papa I'm still trynna live my life like nothin happened but to death broke me while I was already broken

And yea I'm still smokin them cigarettes that put you on the chopping block

If I get lucky maybe my heartll stop

And I'll just be a long lost memory of all I lost

Or I'll pick up something else or start stealing and robbing cause an addiction is all I got

Rn im just takin it day by day

I haven't told anyone but Ive already given up and my minds where I stay

Nobody's known the real me since I that day

So I just roll my thoughts inside a rello and smoke the pain away

Who would thought tho I used to beg you to quit smokin , I was so innocent, now I beg myself to quit smokin, but it's the same result as back then isn't it,

I probably won't stop till it too late cause this world really isnt it

But I forgive you Papa cause ik your love was really true, I saw the fear and light fade from your eyes cause you wondered what we would do

You wondered what we'd do without you

Fast forward a couple years I'm piece a shit

I leaned to close to the dark side and I got bit

I went from slit wrists to cocaine and psychedelic trips

This ain't supposed to be how I cope but it is what it is

Spent my whole check on drugs and bub just to get those feelings out my fukin head again , what a bitch

I wish I could make you proud papa I ain't got no